Tuesday, June 1, 2010

For sex Optimal Performance Sex resolutions you must stick to!

Today's hectic lifestyle demands more of everything - more money, more education and more effort to keep the sparks alive in your relationship. We have heard all about sensual lingerie, exotic aroma oils, aphrodisiacs and if nothing works, Viagra; but there's another uncharted element in the art of seduction that can bring the zing back to your love life – colours.

Contrary to popular belief, enjoying a great sex life is not all about possessing technical skills. Sexual desire is one of the most difficult factors to define, for the simple reason that it is more psychological than physiological. Far removed from the humdrum of family rooms and busy kitchens, the bedroom is your love nest. This space, with its softened textures, serene artwork, and muted patterns, should intimately capture the warmth of intimacy and here comes the roles of great interiors and sensual colours. We explore...

Expert speak
Kalpana Arora, Feng Shui expert, elucidates the significance of an elite colour scheme as she says, "a positively charged Feng Shui bedroom is a bedroom which promotes the harmonious flow of nourishing and sensual energy. The colours of this room should be such that they invite you, lure you in, excite and calm at the same time."

Feng Shui consultant Rajat Chawla adds, "Besides catering to the couple's most intimate moments, a bedroom is the place where we relax and because of this it is considered as Yin (quiet) energy. Most practitioners recommend bright red (yang) or bright pinks for a passionate relationship; however, make sure it is as per the elements in that particular area. If you are not seeking advice from a professional Feng Shui consultant, I would recommend yin colours such as pastel shades and nothing too bright or loud. The same applies to bed covers and furniture."

Vijay Singh, a Delhi-based colour therapist, further reveals the importance of colours by explaining the nitty-gritty of the most unexplored healing technique – colour therapy. "Each individual has a different emotional, psychological and physiological response to a particular colour. They are a snapshot of our personalities and our general make-up. We study those behaviours and then suggest the best colour combination that can best resolve the problems of a couple. There's no 'one best color' for everyone"

The mystic angle
Surprising, as it may sound, but selecting colours for your love den have a spiritual side to them as well. As Aura reader Manaswi Verma Sanwal explains, "Shades of our auras reflect our moods and we can change the same by adding a bit of colour to our lives. You can use colours to try to compensate for what you're missing. For example, if you are newly married and haven't gained the confidence to take charge in bed, try a good, strong red (bring it in sheets, lingerie or even lipstick). Red is the base colour, it's go-getting, sexy and powerful. And if you think a new blusher isn't going to change your life, think again for even small, subtle things can help. The choice of colours is a conscious decision, and a spiritual one as well."

Take charge of your sex life in the New Year, with these fun-filled and exciting 'sexolutions' and make your way to a satisfying and pleasurable bedroom life all through the year!

Resolution # 1: Vow to devote 'more time' to the act.
No denying that 'quickies' are great fun, but when the target is a year full of gratifying sex, nothing works better that investing quality time in the act. "Being one of the fundamental aspects of a man-woman relationship, sex deserves patience and time. But time-pressed lifestyles and busy schedules often leaves couples exhausted by the end of the day leading to a lull in their bedroom. So, from planning private vacations and early-morning sex sessions to extending foreplay in the bed, anything and everything that keeps the two of you connected for a longer time helps pep up your sexual experience," suggests Sandhya Mulchandani, author of Indian Erotica.

Resolution # 2: Promise to 'experiment'
If you think experimentation is only the younger lot's cup of tea, remember that it's the older couples who benefit the most out from all the trials and tests. "Every couple has its own set of pleasure activities that they have been practicing since day one. But it's always good to explore and experiment to know what else charges up your pleasure buttons and hits them better," suggests Sandhya. Try and know what turns your man on or what arouses your wife. Touch and feel each other's bodies and don't shy away from trying new techniques and positions this year. Think what you want your partner to do between the sheets and communicate your secret desires and innate fantasies the next time you are indulging in some steamy action. You never know you might just discover an all new moan zoan in your partner's body!

Resolution # 3: Pledge to revisit your sensual side
When was the last time you went out shopping for enticing night wear and sassy lingerie the way you did in the initial days of your courtship? When was the last time you turned your bedroom into a love-den to woo your partner? We are sure it's been long, with due courtesy to our busy and overtly practical schedules. Why not revisit your sensual self once again in 2009? "Feeling beautiful and getting in touch with your sensuality forms an important part of lovemaking, especially for women. If you are feeling sexy and beautiful, chances of being interested and active in sex are a lot higher than otherwise," explains Alka Pandey, author of Kama Sutra for Women. So, check out the lingerie stores and dig out some sensuous pieces. Also, try and pick some other passion props like perfumed body oils, scented candles, satin sheets, silk scarves etc. and put them to the best of use.

Sex and desire have always been viewed to be a very important part of life, but it has emerged that most, in their pursuit for carnal satisfaction, ignore the safety and healthy bedroom rules.

Dr. Barry Buffman, a Board Certified urologist and the director of the Los Angeles Boston Medical Group, has given ten top sex myths that are most common among men, reports

The first myth concerns the belief that a woman will not get pregnant if a guy ''pulls out'' before ejaculation.
Men do not always know when ejaculatory fluid begins to seep out - and even ahead of a perceptible orgasm, pre-ejaculate (which includes sperm) is released and is enough to get a woman pregnant.

The second myth concerns thinking about someone else during the act, which is a bad thing to do.

A large part of the sexual experience starts with your brain, not your body, and sometimes your brain can wander. If you are committed to your lady, and your relationship is in a good place, it’s okay to think about Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox every now and then.

The third myth is the belief that premature ejaculation only affects young men.

Some men do find that premature ejaculation begins at the onset of sexual maturity, but plenty of men also find it to be an issue later in life. In fact, premature ejaculation affects 30 per cent of men at sometime in their lives.

Often, early ejaculation in men who are in their 30s or older is a co-symptom of erectile dysfunction or fatigue, poor cardiovascular conditioning, depression, anxiety, or neurological symptoms.

The fourth myth is about the belief that oral sex is safer than vaginal sex.

From teenagers to former President Bill Clinton, oral sex seems to have the stigma of a "free pass" as far as sexual relationships go. Yes, it does count as sex, and yes, you can get a sexually transmitted disease from oral sex.

There is still an exchange of fluids, meaning that diseases can enter your body through sores or small cuts in your mouth and throat.

The fifth myth is about how certain foods can be aphrodisiacs that will put one in the mood for some good loving.

While oysters, dark chocolate, strawberries, and tiger penis might make one feel aroused, there is no scientific evidence to support the validity of aphrodisiacs.

The sixth myth is on how size matters.

As anyone with sexual experience knows, true sexual enthusiasm far outweighs any gifted parts. And contrary to another popular sex myth, the size of ones member has nothing to do with the size of ones hands or feet.

The seventh myth is about how, if all else fails, Viagra and other similar oral medications can treat erectile dysfunction.

Oral medications are only a temporary fix to a problem that may have other underlying health causes that should be addressed by a qualified physician.

In addition, many men with health conditions, including hypertension and diabetes, cannot take oral prescriptions due to serious potential side effects or contraindications with other medications.

For men who cannot use oral meds, there are a number of other options including urethral suppositories and ICP, an injection that produces an erection within minutes.

The eight myth concerns the belief that after a certain age, sex is no longer important.

Sex is an important aspect of physical and emotional health and well being for adults of all ages, even those in their golden years.

While some people believe that a decrease in libido is a natural part of aging, a loss of sexual desire can be related to a number of other factors including hormone deficiencies, depression, anxiety disorders, side effects of medication, changes to a relationship, communication barriers, or loss of a spouse or partner.

The ninth myth is about men having more sexual urges than women do.

Though many men would have you believe they’re ready to go 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, the truth is that men experience daily fluctuations in libido, as do women.

A man’s readiness to hop in the sack can be impacted by many of the same factors that impact a woman’s level of desire, including diet, sleep, health, stress, medical conditions, self-confidence, and relationship disharmony.

The tenth myth is that great sex will just happen naturally without any effort, the way it does in the movies.

The human body doesn’t come with an instruction manual. The "tricks of the trade" that pleased a former partner do not always translate with someone new.

Good communication is the key to good sex, as is a willingness to be open to trying new techniques and positions to find out what each partner finds pleasurable.

It can be a little awkward at first to over-communicate during sex, but think about the outcome: a partner who knows how to do it right every time.

If your bedroom boredom has taken a toll on your sex life, all you need is a drastic, yet quick change. How about changing the place in which you are having sex?

Forget the boring kitchen or the bathtubs... think bizarre, out-of-the-box! Try out unexplored corners in your house, which you've have never earlier considered as apt places to enjoy a steamy sex session. From your storeroom to the dirty basement that you've never bothered to clean up to the garage that you thought was only meant for car parking – try out off-beat sex destinations and convert them into sensuous love dens.

Sex expert Dr. Deepak Arora agrees, "Whenever you experience a change in your life you feel more excited and the same holds true for sexual intimacy. Couples should keep changing the decoration of their rooms like lighting, placement of objects, wall colours, curtains etc to infuse a fresh feel every time they get intimate, as it boosts their sexual pleasure."

Sex counselor Dr. Shivi Jaggi supports, "Taking of sex variations, a place can influence a couples' pleasure quotient. Any place outside the stereotypical bedroom will help couples keep alive their sexual fire. The reason why they find hotel rooms more appealing than their bedrooms is for because it's a new pleasure playground that takes their mind away from mundane domesticity and adds a zing of excitement. So, if they pay a little attention and experiment with the decor of certain places within their own homes, they can perform wonders in their sex life."

So, the next time you plan an intimate session with your partner, try out these unexplored places within your house and see the heat of passion building like never before...

Garage Passion : Everyone loves a wild backseat romp, but it can get even wilder if you try sex in the garage. The dark ambiance and the rusty feel will surely build up the mood for a night of passion. Fun would be at its peak when you play love games of hide and seek behind the parked cars and let your partner look for you and thus build up your sexual mood. Alternately try a sex romp on top of your car. Dr. Jaggi explains, "In a garage, it's the raw energy of the destination that adds to the pleasure and once you're away from the comfort of your bedroom, this crude place is definitely racy and exciting. If you really wish to have a new-fangled change, you can specially design your garage to make it an apt place for sex."

Word of caution : Make sure you do not make too much noise by pressing the car horn and disturbing your neighbours as they may interrupt your sexual act.

Arty Attic : An attic fills the space between the ceiling of the top floor of a building and the slanted roof, and they are known for being awkwardly shaped spaces with exposed rafters and difficult-to-access corners. So why not make the most of this neglected area in your house? Decorate it in an alluring manner to seduce your partner and during the act, try out new positions in accordance with the structure of the attic. Dr. Arora states, "Due to hectic lifestyles, couples have no time to maintain their attic space. But just devoting a single day to covert it into a lavish area to have sex can turn the heat on. Couples will surely leave their bedroom luxuries behind and have sex on rough surfaces like that of an attic."

Word of caution : Since attics bear a slanted roof, ensure that you don't get up much during the sexual act or else you'll end up hurting yourself and spoiling the fun.

When two people are dating we often hear about their puppy love, tiffs, both big and small but the moment they get into a serious relationship, we barely get to know what’s really going on in their life. We help you get an insight into the secret of modern marriages!

The unspoken pressure on married couples to present a happy, healthy relationship to the outer world doesn’t let anyone get a peek inside their real world. Admitting that you are unhappy can be seen as failure so people prefer to keep such details to themselves. Also, as soon as we experience a lull in our sex life, we assume that everyone else must be having more sex than we are. We found out five common issues that all married couples face...

Sex can be boring, occasionally
True, sex can occasionally be messy, painful, boring and unwanted. Shares HR consultant Deepika Kapur, “The first time we had boring sex, I was left shaken. I thought our chemistry was over and now our sack sessions would never be good again. But I soon got over the fear. Our next sack session was one of the best that we ever had.”

One partner is always left craving
No two people in a marriage have the same libido. One is always left craving for sex. Modern life has also given way to new sexual pressures and expectations that can not always be met. Says consultant Hemant Sinha, “I have always had a high sex drive. My wife and I have fantabulous sex but there are many times when I am craving for it and she’s not in a mood.”

Sex drive disappears once in a while
The reality is that a large number of couples experience sexual difficulties at some point of time in their marriage. This is when their sex drive drops. Suggest sex therapist Payal Kapoor, “Instead of thinking how badly it reflects your feelings for the partner, concentrate on bigger issues that are making you feel disinterested in sex.” Payal goes on to add, “Sometimes separate beds can reignite the spark! It has helped many couples I have known. It breaks the monotony and makes them long for each other.”

Sexually unfaithful thoughts are common
Some people need constant reminders of how desirable and sexy they still look. When that doesn’t happen, they look for admiration outside. And having sexually unfaithful thoughts are common. Someone rightly said, ‘Sex pulls you away but love gets you back!’ Adds psychologist Seema Hingorani, “It is human tendency to feel wanted. And when couples don’t get it in their marriage, they seek it outside and such thoughts are common.”

Incessant fights are normal
You often wonder seeing a happy couple around you how they manage to be so in love, while you pull the trigger almost every second day. Do not feel guilty thinking you are the only one who does it. All couples fight, and this is the rule!


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