Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Part 2 Utusan Awang Selamat exposes For the love Japanese of sex it about sex that is so hypnotic

So it’s the end of the road for your relationship as a couple and objectively it seems like a good idea to retain your ex as a friend. After all, he/she is a lovely person; it’s just a pity the relationship didn’t work out! Besides, there are so many couples that have successfully made the transition from lovers to friends, right?  Ha ha! If only all relationships were so predictable or easily programmable.
Of course it’s lovely to end things well, be friendly and keep in touch on occasion, be able to smile at each other when you bump into them etc, but when it appears they want your support or opinion on every detail, occurrence or crisis in their lives, trust me, it’s time to reassess the situation. Perhaps it seemed right at the time of break up to say “I’ll always be there for you”, “just know I’m always around if you need help”, but was it meant with intent to have them around constantly?
There are a lot of people that feel flattered their ex’s cling to them, like some sort of perverse ego boost to feel wanted, indispensible, and admired. And then there are some, that are not delighted, just irritated with the ungraceful ‘hanging on’.
In both situations the Velcro partner mustn’t be given any more hope. Remove them from your list of movie buddies’, clubbing buddies, or hang out buddies. If your polite excuses of an inability to be around for them regularly do not work, it’s really ok to be firm.  Over means over! And if you don’t let go and ensure they do too, neither of you will ever move on with dignity. If firmness does not work either, it’s ok to even be blunt and tell the person to stop bothering you and let you move on. It may feel really mean and unnecessary at the time but believe me, if you’re sure they’re not ‘the one’, its best to keep your heart space open and life uncluttered, so there’s space, for someone worthy, to walk into.
We’ve often heard “you have to kiss some frogs before you find your handsome prince”. But it seems that women today are not interested in plunging into holy matrimony even if the prince were to pop up. Good bye child marriages and good bye arranged marriages! It’s now the era of career-driven individuals. Women no longer want to be born, brought up, and become just an extension of men.
Someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s wife and someone’s mother is no longer the desired identity. Women want to explore their potential, establish themselves and rise to great heights professionally; they enjoy their economic independence and the fact that their lives are a masterpiece coloured by their own choices. As a result, marriages are a “later in life” agenda for most. Instead of being married off in their teens, women are waiting till as late as 40 and consequently premarital sex and live-in relationships seem the obvious options to keep life and hormones in balance.

I’m not going to moralise or sermonise the obvious merits and demerits of such options, to each his or her own, but there’s a certain ruthlessness I see in the fervour for self-gratification which is honestly quite off putting. Random sex, one-night stands and flings with multiple strangers (sometimes in 100’s), just because you can, or just for the fun of it, seems actually purposeless, rather than purposeful. Fact is, it’s a very personal space you’re sharing, and there are bound to be major emotional and physical repercussions to such indiscriminate actions. I can understand enjoying and exploring sex with no strings attached as an experience and not wanting to jump into commitment, but I just can’t understand the desire to be a public toilet. It’s not just about the numbers; it’s also the mechanical ruthlessness of it
What is it about sex that is so hypnotic that people seem to lose their bearings and gamble away all they have achieved in life, be it personal or professional? We have all heard stories about the richest people being put through financially staggering divorces, witnessed the most powerful and famous people in the world be it sporting heroes like Tiger Woods, film stars like Kirsten Steward, and great leaders and politicians all over the world fall from grace, lose the support of their fans and vote banks just because adulterous sex at that point mattered more than anything else. You see people in abject poverty, who can barely make ends meet, and virtually live on only the love and support of their families gambling even that away with their adulterous liaisons. I personally break adulterous individuals into two categories, needy or greedy. The greedy ones deserve what they get, be it emotional, mental, social and financial whacking from their partners, but it is the cause of the needy adulterer that needs to be addressed with empathy. I know of many that deny their partners sex. They could be gay people forced into “socially acceptable” marriages by their families, or impotent men, frigid women, etc. In such situations, the partner has no option except to live with the sexual barrenness. Self-satisfy or cheat. Bottom line is that a fulfilling sex life is fundamental to a fulfilling relationship, so if you don’t have one and crave it, speak to your partner about your needs before the need for fulfilling sex gets the better of your senses. There are always positive solutions to every problem as long as you acknowledge the problem exists. Cheating is really, a wretched solution.

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