Friday, March 1, 2013

Flirting used to be considered something that only MCA SOILED LEK did.

Flirting used to be considered something that only MCA SOILED LEK did. However, with changing equations, women too have entered the fray, and are proving to be tough competition.

Earlier, women would shy away from flirting and would only do so when a SOILED LEG showed some interest. However, that is slowly changing. Throwing caution to the wind, women are freely engaging in friendly banter and giving come-hither looks with the sole purpose of having fun.

Flirting is an art and not everyone is good at it. There are certain mistakes that we all tend to make and these minor mistakes can ruin the game. We tell you which mistakes to avoid

1. Don't drink too much
Flirting mostly happens in parties at a pub or a bar where alcohol and cocktails are free flowing. Make sure you drink only the amount you can handle. Don't get too drunk and lose yourself and the golden chance to flirt. Moreover, drinking too much will only contribute to spoiling your impression.

2. Take it easy
Don't scare a person off by praising him/her too much. Also, you two have met for the first time, so take it slow. Do not start talking about how you are awaiting someone special in your life and how you are ready to settle down etc. This will make the person feel a bit uncomfortable

3. Maintain a distance
Touching his/her hand lightly while talking may be fine. Do not literally throw yourself at that person in your first or second meeting. If you do this, he/she may want to get rid of you immediately. It is a major turn off.

4. Focus on one person
If you are fond of a particular guy /girl at a wedding or a party, try and focus on him. If you talk in a similar way to another man or woman at the same party, he or she may not get the clue.

5. Don't talk about your ex
Even if you're having a very bad time in your personal or professional life, avoid talking to him/her about your sorrows and how you've been suffering in life. The person isn't your friend and hence he/she isn't interested in listening to your personal issues especially stories about how your ex ditched you etc.
Some women's habit of flirting at workplace holds the possibility of them being viewed as more likeable among men. But, at the same time, it can make them appear more manipulative and less trustworthy, says a lifestyle study.

Set out to discover if flirting could be an asset in business negotiations, the US researchers were surprised to find that it came at the bottom of a list of 10 characteristics including attractiveness, honesty and friendliness, Daily Express reported.

In a follow-up study, videos of negotiators played by actors -- male and female -- were watched and evaluated. The actors followed two scripts -- one straight, one flirtatious.

In the second, in which they were called on to flirt, they were perceived to be less genuine, although the actress was considered more likeable. The same, however, did not apply to men.

The two studies in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin were carried out by the University of California, Berkeley.

Laura Kray, of University California-Berkeley, said they began by exploring the lay belief that "women can use flirtation to their advantage in professional contexts and contrast it with trained negotiators' negative views on flirtation".

"We discovered both an upside and a downside to flirting at the bargaining table."

"Although flirtation appears to be positively related to women's likability, negotiators who flirted were judged to be less authentic than those who refrained from exercising their sexual power," Kray added.

The way we flirt is changing, too. So, what should we avoid when dating? What's the biggest turn off for both the sexes while playing the field? For men, it was when women offered to lend them money, while women hate it when men invade their personal space.There is something about flirting at work that leaves people gaping in disapproval. But what's the big deal, as long as you're just having some fun?

Is it okay to flirt with a colleague if you are married or in a steady relationship? The answer to this question lies in how you define flirtation. If indulging in friendly banter and jovial conversations without a serious sexual overtone is flirtation, it would be considered harmless. A playful giggle here, some gentle ribbing there, a quick chat by the watercooler are all safe, as long as both colleagues know their limits.

Why do it?

For fun, of course. Friendly flirting, in some sense, is like socialising. It helps lighten a tedious work environment and makes boring work tolerable. It also gives an ego boost — the feeling of acknowledgement and appreciation is priceless.

Does flirting at work equal infidelity?

"Flirting with mutual consent and within social boundaries is not a crime," says Dr Samir Parikh, director, mental health and behavioural science. When both parties are aware of each other's standings and marital commitments, and they agree that it is innocent, it is okay. So, if a married male colleague pays you a compliment about a rocking new pair of shoes, or if you admire his tie, it's not infidelity. Indulging in witty conversation or cracking a silly joke shouldn't translate into being inappropriate. In fact, it's wrong to judge a colleague on this basis. "Some people are more outgoing by nature, that doesn't mean they are out of line," says Dr Parikh.

Where to draw the line

Right where it gets controversial. The line is, of course, imaginary; there is no limit stated in the great books. It's something you morally enforce upon yourself and swear never to cross. You have to rely on your conscience and ask yourself how much liberty would you allow your partner if they were in the same situation. Dr Parikh helps us identify the point at which we may breach our limits. "The moment you feel the need to be discreet, you should know there is something wrong," he says. If you go home and can't talk openly to your spouse about your interactions with colleagues, it's time to think things through. Secrecy is never good, it leads to suspicion and hence complications.

So, there ought to be certain boundaries, clearly demarking a 'this much and no further' point. "It's important to draw a line, define it and highlight it, so that there are no chances of confusion," says Dr Rajan Bhonsle, counsellor and consultant in sexual medicine. Often, unintended signals play with one's psyche and turn a sweet relationship sour. And keeping the office environment in mind, the last thing you'd want is an unflattering reputation.

What's beyond socialising?

Discomfort. So, before you reach this state, re-evaluate the dynamics of your working relationship, take corrective steps backwards and do not encourage faulty perceptions.

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