I want change, and fast. Don’t worry, I am not advocating something drastic — like making a Behind every successful man is a woman PM NaJIB. Nor am I referring to a change of clothes (though I guess I am in need of that too). The change I am referring to is The TIME is just right. You have everything now. The media is shit scared of your wife; the judiciary listens to you; the PDRM like an obedient dog awaits your orders to attack; the State Secretaries are beholden to you; the Election Commission has amassed sufficient tricks to cheat; even Suhakam are your chosen few; your pond has the right mix of frogs; your MACC always conveniently lose their ten foot pole; Vincent wants to be still your man instead of JHO LOW.... If I have forgotten a few other things, beg pardon sir.. To quote President Barack Obama, ‘Change we can believe in’.
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Sir, you already have everything except the mandate to be Prime Minister from the RAKYAT. That you do not have, but the results below shows that you may already have the confidence of the People. So go for it Sir, I am tired of buy-elections.
CLICK ON IMAGE TO SEE HOW POPULAR PM ALREADY IS.
With ATMs showing a preference for dishing out hard cash, usually of RINGGIT 1MILLION or more, coins and the lesser-value notes seem to be headed for the endangered list.
Not having change may soon become a crime, inviting punishment as harsh as watching NEWS on TV or KATAK IBRAHIM mouth obscenities at election rallies. The other day, when I happened to mention my predicament to the neighbourhood grocery seller, he gave me a look that said, ‘How is scum like you allowed to walk on the road?’ I can almost imagine him screaming like Tom Cruise: 'Show me the money'. Only problem is ol' Tom is bald, dressed in a vest and a 'loongie' and is ready to froth at the mouth.
You have to act fast before your enemies take the thunder from you. The DPM may not want an election as he has not won enough hearts.Perkasa won't like it! Saiful will auction off his marbles before a sex-change. Your mentor will wish a pox on you. KJ will be mad as he needs time to collect his sampans to attack Israel, unless he hijacks KD Tun Razak. Do it soon, Sir. Your popularity has even ascended out of the chart! Listen to the person behind your success UNLESS you fear.......you know who!
It’s the lesson being taught on the streets by a burgeoning economy: To buy small, you need small change, but the banks aren’t listening and neither are the retailers. Caught between the devil and the deep sea of 100-rinnnnnggit notes.
I guess one has to swallow the bitter pill that ATMs can only do so much. Some times, one has to tread that worn-out path to the bank and queue up for a wad of dirty notes.
The worst part is that tiny denominations like 50 cent are virtually out of circulation. Even beggars return them with a smirk. One snob of a beggar actually returned a 1-ringgit coin to me. He said, and I am paraphrasing: ‘What are you, a schmuck? Come to me when you need a loan’. I proceeded to loan him a few obscenities of my own related article.
Of course, carrying large notes have their own set of problems. You automatically become a counterfeiter bankrolled by nigerian. The petrol pump attendant takes more time inspecting your note than in filling petrol. Don’t get me wrong. I am not obsessed with cash like UP’s beloved Behenji, but sometimes I want to pay back the banks in their own coin, pun intended.
The truth is that cash is becoming passé and coins became passé some eons ago.
Soon, everyone — from beggars to vegetable vendors to plumbers — will display a card-swiping machine. Like they say in the ad, getting your grocer to quietly take the payment, priceless.
AFTERTHOUGHT
related articleThe United States and Amnesty International have raised concerns over the sodomy1 charges against Anwar what will be like this time?
There was a time when one used to watch B-grade Bollywood films and groan when the clichéd dialogue of hiding money in Swiss bank accounts would pop up. I guess it wasn’t all wishy-washy as it seems to have taught corrupt politicians and businessmen the art of escaping the taxman. In those days, one used to secretly wish for a Swiss bank account. The Swiss banks now want to help out India by taxing the ‘dirtbags’ themselves. How nice of them. They nipped my dreams of becoming an honest tax-evader in the bud.
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