A Deakin University researcher has said that women are as likely as men to enjoy casual sexual arrangements, but for different reasons. Kylie McCardle, who has been looking for 400friends with benefits to take part in a survey, said the women who took part in an initial study said these arrangements gave them sexual confidence.
The men were more likely to say they enjoyed the intimacy of the friendship, the Age quoted McCardle as saying.
The initial study was based on in-depth interviews with 15 couples, or 30 friends "with benefits".
"A lot of study of casual sex has focused on the negative impact, especially for women. While ''friends with benefits'' have been part of popular culture for a while now, it's only just started to be researched," she said.
The study identified two kinds of relationships - " sex buddies" who had little contact outside the bedroom, and those who were friends before and after the sexual relationship.
While many of the respondents were in their 20s, McCardle also interviewed several Generation X divorcees who preferred sex with a friend to emotional involvement.
A 2010 survey of customers on the RSVP website found that 36 per cent of women and 30 per cent of men had had friends with benefits.
There are always a few times when it feels like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place with loved ones. Treading these dangerous waters is not as easy because there are emotions at stake. A panel of experts break down a few typically tricky conundrums.
Should I rant at my ex?
Clinical psychologist Shweta Bhatnagar explains the pitfalls of the drink-and-dial routine. "It's not just a bad idea; it's a terrible idea," she says. "Don't go by how much your intoxicated mind wants to hear their voice. Think. If you can't do it yourself, run the idea by a friend and have them do it for you. What does it do for your self-respect and selfesteem to call an ex and blurt out pent-up emotions?" It barely seems anything more than pathetic to them. If this desire to rattle off a wellrehearsed, pointed spiel is coming from a sober space, evaluate the pros and cons. If you're going to regret it the minute you hang up, or press the send button, it's always better to take a deep breath and hold the urge.
"However, if you feel like it is something that you absolutely need to get off your chest and that it'll bring catharsis, unload your burden onto them, and walk way. Let them deal with their guilt while you get some fresh air," Bhatnagar says
Bff's partner is love-rat
This situation is never an easy one, because it puts your friendship at stake. People rarely take the news that their partner is cheating well and shooting the messenger is an automated reaction.
"Work off the moral dilemma," says marriage counsellor Manju Jain. "It's for the larger good. Your friendship might suffer a temporary glitch, but if your intentions are fair, things will settle down eventually."
It takes a great deal of tact and proof to convince your friend of what's going on. "Take them out of their home and make your intentions clear," advises Jain. "Justify the reason for your bringing it up. Be prepared for allegations and reactions such as, 'You are jealous', or 'you're in love with my partner,' or other such seemingly unreasonable statements. Shock and denial are first responses that lead to anger, which is vented on the person handing out the news."
In case of an adverse reaction, lay down the facts as you know them and let them make the decision themselves. When they are ready, and have dealt with their situation, they'll come around.
My folks need to let go
These aren't adolescent issues of wanting to move out at 22. These extend well into early adulthood. Family counsellor and therapist Prerna Shah decodes the parent trap.
"Everybody has issues with their parents," says Shah. "Parents will always want to be involved and concerned with your life and decisions. They have to grapple with concepts that their children are embracing, whether or not they approve. After a certain age, parents lose power and control but still feel an obligation to do their 'parental duty'."
At 35, no one likes being crossquestioned and having to justify why they choose to live alone, etc.
"Being firm isn't necessarily a bad thing," says Shah. "As long as it's respectful and gently. One might have to do it repeatedly to get the message across. If you feel like certain barriers are crossed in their aim to 'protect' and 'care', you'll need to reiterate the point of keeping your personal life and decisions out of dining table conversations. Something on the lines of, 'It's a decision I have taken and I'm happy with it.
Please respect it, is firm, yet not rude and after a point, they will stop trying to doubt your decisions.
(S)he's no fun in bed
This is as personal and tricky as it gets, and there is almost never a good way to put this without backlash. If unresolved, the dissatisfaction can permanently harm the relationship. It's not as easy as just letting them know gently, says clinical psychologist Priyanka Doshi.
"One of the safest ways of dealing with the situation is to teach them how to get better without letting them know that they aren't good," she advises. "It's like teaching someone how to drive. To begin with, you must know how to do it yourself, and what works best for both of you. Refrain from accusatory or shaming statements. Nastiness will yield an anxious, angry partner. Hand over your keys and tell them where to work the ignition." Terms such as, 'follow my lead,' or 'I like it when you...' give your partner direction.
Many women don't reach orgasm with intercourse alone and require clitoral stimulation. Gently educate your partner about your body with suggestive words. Don't rush or push them — you'll send out mixed signals and confuse them even further. "A startling number of women fake orgasms to protect their partners' feelings. While there is no right or wrong, not telling him what's wrong isn't going to work in your favour in the long run," says Doshi. Don't let him think what he is doing is right since you need him to improve his skills. But also never underestimate the power of good open dialogue.
A new study suggests that college-aged men are very likely to remember a woman's initial sexual interest (attraction or rejection), especially when the woman in question is thought to be attractive, is dressed more provocatively, and expresses positive sexual interest. Men who were shown full-body photographs of college-aged women who expressed cues of sexual interest or rejection, represented mixed sexual histories, and a capacity for varying degrees of sexually aggressive behaviour.
Throughout the study they were presented with previously viewed photos and new photos of the same women in which they communicated the opposite cue (e.g., rejection instead of sexual interest).
On an average, every man showed excellent memory for whether women initially displayed sexual interest or rejection, especially when she initially expressed positive sexual interest, was dressed more provocatively, and was thought to be attractive.
Lead author Teresa Treat observes, "Misremembering a woman's level of sexual interest could prompt some men to make an unwanted sexual advance and become frustrated when a woman doesn't respond as anticipated."
"Conversely, college-aged men who report more frequent serious romantic relationships with women show better memory for college-aged women's sexual-interest and rejection cues. This suggests that tracking and remembering a partner's emotions may play a role in the initiation and maintenance of a serious romantic relationship," she added.
The long-term significance of the findings will depend on whether the memory of sexual interest impacts the male's subsequent behaviour, experiences, and social decisions when cues of sexual interest are presented in a more lifelike manner.
However, numerous factors other than memory for a partner's emotions play a central role in developing both positive and negative sexual experiences among young adults.
Here we have an innocent looking Malaysian girl stripping for the boyfriend's camera. And she's got some nice brown nipples to behold. The bra and panties look is also awesome, she even stop stripping for a minute to pose for a few shots in her undies. Photos like these from a regular girl from Malaysia could start a scandal in the normally sexually reserve country. Anyway, don't have her name but I am sure someone will recognize the face if not the boobs. Click on pictures to enlarge.
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