- Rebecca Sedille died December 21 from a gunshot wound to the head
- Her husband, Arthur Sedille, says the shooting was an accident
- Affidavit: Arthur Sedille often held a gun to his wife's head during fantasy sex play
- Authorities say no formal charges have yet been filed
(CNN) -- Arthur Sedille was up-front with police: He would often put a gun to his wife's head during fantasy sex play at their Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, home.
But Sedille said he didn't know the gun was loaded when he pressed it to his wife's head and pulled the handgun's slide back during sex on the night of December 21.
Now Sedille, 23, is facing the possibility of a murder charge in Canadian County, Oklahoma, in the death of his wife, 50-year-old Rebecca Sedille -- who died when the handgun went off in their bedroom.
According to a probable cause affidavit filed by Oklahoma City police, Sedille said the shooting was accidental. He called 911 afterward, according to police.
Investigators decided to arrest and jail Sedille on suspicion of first-degree murder out of an abundance of caution, said Oklahoma City police Master Sgt. Gary Knight. However, as of Tuesday afternoon, formal charges had not been filed in the investigation, which is ongoing, Knight said.
Although a Canadian County judge found that probable cause exists to hold Sedille on the murder charge, assistant district attorney Paul Hesse said Tuesday he has yet to receive a report from police on the case. As a result, formal charges have not yet been filed, Hesse said.
Sedille remained jailed Tuesday in Oklahoma County, Oklahoma. Police in Oklahoma City -- which spans five counties and 700 square miles -- book all of their prisoners into that county's jail, Knight said.
She needs lots of foreplay, while he needs to go for it straightaway. It is one of the common problems faced by couples, and if not tackled with care, this sexual incompatibility inevitably starts affecting relationships at every phase. Also termed 'discrepant libidos', it has been observed as the most common cause for dissatisfaction in a relationship.
Reasons for incompatibility
Frequency of Sex
The frequency of sexual desire varies from person to person, so much so that both partners' idea of what is 'right' often may not match. The need for frequent sex also depends on the stage in which the relationship is in. The intimacy quotient is at its peak among new lovers. Remember those days when you "just couldn't get enough of each other"? The passionate phase makes way for the more compassionate love which is more meaningful and satisfying. However, when everyday sex starts fading and one starts hearing more of "not tonight honey", dissatisfaction is bound to creep in.
Appetite
Each one of us has a different sexual appetite which also varies at different stages of our lives. The partner who has the higher sex drive is most likely to feel rejected and hurt when the desires are not reciprocated. On the other hand, the one with the lower drive can feel pressurised and resentful at having to perform even when he/she doe
sn't feel up to it.
Experiments? Maybe
The missionary position works very well among couples in the heydays of their relationship. And then there comes a time when one of the partners wishes to do something 'different' in order to break the monotony. If the feeling is not reciprocated, dissatisfaction is bound to occur. Not to forget each one of us harbours fantasies and we expect our partner to comply (in at least some of them), after attaining a certain comfort level with each other. Women, many times, are rather passive during the act, leaving men asking for "more".
DEALING WITH IT
Woe and win
The one with a stronger sex drive should bear in mind that the discrepancy in appetite is not taken as personal rejection. In such a case, find ways to seduce your partner and bring him/her to a state where he/she feels aroused. Responding to some of the non-sexual cues of the active partner can also help arouse interest.
Explore your partner
The process of enjoying each other sexually is not a rigid one, but one that's continually changing and flowing. Your partner is the best authority on what is most gratifying to him/ her. Initiate a gentle practice to find out what makes him/her experience maximum pleasure. Thereafter, add those moves to your regular love making session.
Talk, will you?
It is crucial to 'communicate' your sexual desires to your partner, albeit in a manner that doesn't threaten his/her manhood/womanhood. Or else it could be self-defeating. Avoid sounding demanding, critical or accusatory. If lack of experimentation is a problem, reason with your partner as to how moving away from the conventional will lead to enhanced pleasure for him/her as well.
Don't force
Sexual enjoyment has less to do with 'mechanical proficiency' and is more about how two individuals 'relate' to each other. Being obsessed with proficiency and trying to develop erotic artistry with a single-minded purpose is more likely to interfere with the enjoyment. Strictly avoid "insisting" with your partner to try newer positions to enhance pleasure.
(Dr Rajan Bhonsle is a senior sex therapist and counsellor)
Brittany Retkofsky
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