Losing g heat between the sheets? Take a quick refresher course to enjoy sex better and boost your love life
Just like sex isn't a one man show, good sex isn't just about achieving the end game. For it to be magic, both partners need to step up their act and rise to the occasion. But with differing preferences, abilities and responses, getting it right each time can be a little overwhelming. To help spice up the mundane and overhaul the awkward, here's a simple checklist.
You've heard this before, but it's a fact — The brain is THE most powerful sex organ. Fantasies allow us to free up sexual habits and try out new things. Shared fantasies can liven up a sexual relationship to add new excitement and rekindle arousal. The most pleasurable sexual fantasies are those that centre around ideals that are unobtainable in 'real' life.
Talk, talk, talk
When in the act, it's essential for partners to talk to each other about what they feel. It isn't a silent film. Tell each other what you'd like to do so your bodies adjust and pleasure each other. Talk, especially dirty, can be very erotic during sex.
A majority of men don't seem to understand that during foreplay, progress from kissing and cuddling to caressing isn't only extremely exciting and pleasurable for a woman, but is essential for her arousal. Without it, sexual pleasure and satisfaction are a long way off. Being considerate here will bring you brownie points.
Conventional wisdom tells us that porn is not only damaging to our psyches, but also destructive to relationships.
But who says porn is so damaging to monogamous unions. Before we consign it to the relationship deal breaker dustbin, perhaps we should re-examine our prejudices about porn to see if it's really as bad as everyone says it is.
Salon columnist Tracy Clark-Flory recently tackled this very subject in 'Does porn hurt relationships?'
Clark-Flory cites a highly suspect survey conducted by the folks at Cosmopolitan, who seem to be taking a break from offering silly sex tips, that has determined that watching porn ruins sex because it destroys women's sexual self-confidence.
The fact is- we cannot ignore pornography even if we occasionally find it distasteful.
According to Gizmodo, 25 per cent of all search engine requests are pornography related. That's 68 million searches a day and a lot of libidinous viewing.
But despite the dubious claims made by the pages of Cosmo, watching porn doesn't have to ruin your confidence and sex life.
Under the right circumstances and in the proper frame of mind, watching porn together can actually do wonders for your sex life.
"Porn can actually help foster emotional and sexual intimacy," the Huffington Post quoted Colorado psychologist David Schnarch, author of 'Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship' as saying.
Fantasy is part of a healthy sex life, and porn adds to the repository of sexy scenarios in our heads.
It can also inspire couples to experiment more in the bedroom (or outside of it if that's where their fantasies lead them).
Porn is a shared experience. Any time a couple can share a hobby, or even better, a sexual experience, they are investing in the longevity of their relationship.
Going solo with porn is fine, but why not include your partner. Just make sure the kids are out of earshot before proceeding.
It's an easy way to learn about your partner's fantasies. Some people are very shy or ashamed about sharing their sexual fantasies with their partners.
Others don't even know what really turns them on, much less what gets their spouses' engines revved.
Thanks to the Internet, there's a veritable smorgasbord of video clips with professionals and amateurs playing out any and every possible sexual act.
Watching porn can speed up foreplay.
In this modern world when everything and everyone is moving at an accelerated pace, the term "quickie" can take on a new significance.
And if you have young children who are perpetually just one knock away from the bedroom door, you may need to expedite your intimate moments.
It also shatters the myth that you can (and should) only be attracted to your mate.
We need to admit and accept the fact that our partner can be turned on by others.
Chances are great that you and/or your mate will be fantasizing about someone other than each other at some point during the course of a long-term relationship.
Watching porn together allows you to see your partner's arousal at the image of another woman for what it is a biological response to a stimulus. There's no need to feel threatened and insecure.
It may lessen the need to act out on sexual desires outside of your relationship.
If couples can get down and dirty together, it may obviate the need for "extracurricular activities."
If you're sexually satisfied by your partner, you're less likely to look for gratification elsewhere.
Some think that watching or thinking about another is tantamount to "cheating" on your mate, but this sort of mindset ignores a central fact of human sexuality most of us crave variety.
Allowing your spouse to look at someone else out in cyberspace won't wreck your relationship, but forbidding him/her to do so might put a strain on it.
And since it's probable that porn will be viewed, giving permission allows for honesty and openness about one's habits rather than feeling like they are shameful secrets that must be kept hidden.
Men and women respond romantically and erotically to environment and atmosphere. Among others, soft lighting, subdued colours, gentle background music, pleasing scents, melodious voices and seductive dressing helps reduce inhibitions. It paves the way for an intimate encounter.
Prolong the ride
Sex may end between the sheets, but that's certainly not where it begins. Experts tell you what to do for a spunkier sex life...
Scented candles? Check. Kamasutra series? Check. Flavoured condoms? Double check! The paraphernalia is in place, and boy, you were never more ready. It begins with foreplay, slips into intercourse, and before you know bam it's over — as physical as it could get and as unfulfilling as you would dread. Setting up the supplies is only the icing. What's needed primarily is that passion for each other, which sadly isn't enough. Here's what you can do to increase the satisfaction quotient of your next encounter.
Do the karaoke
Sing to your partner. It might be embarrassing to some, way too mushy for others, and old-fashioned for most, but sorry dude, it works. So head to the nearest Karaoke night, and let your hearts out with romantic duets. You needn't do a Kishore Kumar or Asha Bhonsle, but the warm numbers will re-ignite the passion which is often muddled in everyday madness.
Head to the kitchen
Don the chef's hat and help her cook. Lick the chilli sauce off each other's fingers and show off some whipping (whipping cream, that is) skills. Don't be surprised if you skip desserts and head straight to bed.
Click it right
Revisit those cherished moments by going through family albums and videos. That special date (when you first kissed), that evening by the seaside (when he finally proposed), your engagement ceremony (when your friends couldn't stop dancing) will remind you how special your partner is. This feeling of togetherness and emotional intimacy will ultimately manifests in physical attraction.
It's time to put those leaves to good use. Check out travel brochures, browse the net and plan your next holiday. And lack of funds should not be an excuse. The good old Ganpatiphule can work as good as a Paris or a Barcelona. The shared experience will only bring you closer. By this you will realise that you still dig each other's company and enjoy it the most.
Humour is good for health and those light-hearted moments drain out stress, if any — just the right mood to switch in to some fun.
Catch a stand-up comic show or order that rib-tickling DVD to watch after dinner. If not that, get a book and read out those ridiculous jokes to each other.
What can be sexier than showing off those muscles as you work up a good sweat? Go for a jog, swim or cycle. The workout will help release endorphins; the feel-good hormones that will gear you up for a longer lasting session. And of course, a toned body means your partner will only be more than happy to help you show more of it.
Dance baby dance
You don't need to be a perfect dancer or even know various dance forms for this. Just hold your partner and slow dance to your favourite song. The lyrics will play cupid as the bodies rub against each other, the fragrance of her hair will work as the most potent aphrodisiac you ever knew of.
Play with each other
Play cards or challenge each other for a board game. The rules remain the same, barring one small anomaly — the winner's wish is the loser's command. The adrenaline levels will soar as the game approaches its nail-biting finish. But the real fun will only be after the game is over.
Do 'nothing' together
Cuddle on a comfortable sofa with an endless supply of starters and chilled drinks. The endless chats about anything and everything will help you appreciate each other's company. When both partners feel valued and loved, the connect goes deeper, and more meaningful. It is only out of such pleasant moments that true physical intimacy develops.
Getting here isn't easy. In order to prolong pleasure, the woman must be highly aroused during foreplay, where being gentle is imperative. Extend the sexual tension between you and your partner by punctuating it with pauses, reading reactions and responding to them.
Make a 'date'
Put the date in your diary. Prepare by buying a new dress or a new shirt. Book a table at a restaurant. Book a taxi. Send flowers. Get a little gift. Visit the hairdresser's or get a new scent. In short, make the effort to recreate the initial rush that sent you aflutter.
Change of place
This doesn't mean swinging from the chandeliers but try a chair or a sofa or a different part of the house for novelty. It's exciting, risque and reeks of spontaneity.
Okay, we have a little sex scandal brewing in Malaysia. This interesting episode is starring two Malaysians by the name of Vivian and Alvin who are apparently exposing their sex life on their tumblr blog. And interesting enough is the fact that they appear to be using their real names and are linking to their real Facebook pages. At first I thought someone was leaking the nude photos of this couple and impersonating them to maximize any embarrassment. But more and more it seems these two are happily sharing their sex life and it is not some other person who is behind the leaked photos and videos. Another thought was that Alvin was sharing Vivian's naked photos and sex videos without her permission because of a falling out but this does not appear to be the case. Both Vivian and Alvin are fully exposed on the blog and in the vids and pics without any attempt by Alvin to conceal his face. So this is a true sex blogging couple freely documenting their sexual encounters for pubic view of anyone willing to log on to the blog. Hopefully the added attention from being posted on the Gutter Uncensored won't scare them away from their blogging. Here is the intro on their sex blog:
Hey peeps, Alvin and Vivian here. We love posting our sex life on the web for everyone to enjoy, and we upload only our self-made content.P.S. View all art at once via the archive
P.P.S. If you're an attractive couple into swinging living in Malaysia/Singapore, hit us up too!
With that last "hit us up" part linking to the email address: firstname.lastname@example.org for anyone interested in swinging with them. Yep, Malaysian swingers who are fully open about their alternative lifestyle publicly. They seem to be well-known on the Malaysia and Singapore swinger scene. And the "Sumptuous Erotica" blog have been gaining popularity fast in recent days with many Malaysians chatting about it on Facebook and on web forums. Sex blogs are nothing new for Malaysians but usually they are very secretive and never this this open and public. Alvin and Vivian not only use their names but they did not even attempt to conceal their faces in the photos and videos. The nude photos and sex video may have been recorded in Malaysia and/or Singapore but some could have been shot else where. You can watch the streaming videos or download them from the links available below.
Alvin And Vivian First Sex Video - Rape Play: