Friday, October 17, 2014

Why women ask for sex your lover can indulge in for a night of passion.

When your relationship isn’t a humdrum affair, then why should your sex life be dull and lifeless? There’s more to a rocking sex life than just simple, great sex.A marvelous sexual connection includes different kinds of sex, even the ones you haven’t dared to experiment with perhaps. Check out the different kinds of love making acts you and your lover can indulge in for a night of passion.
Experimental sex
Couples in long-term relationship often opt for this kind of act as they miss the excitement and lust filled initial-days of their relationship. With time, a couple’s love life loses its zing and to get it back one needs to try new things. “Try pushing the regular comfort zones. It may mean trying a new position or a new room in the house; you can even go for thrilling experiences like making love on the terrace or in the balcony or at some public place.” explains Meera Wahi, married for last nine years.
Necessary sex
Necessary sex can be explained as ‘just-for-the-heck-of-it sex’, which is vital for a long-term relationship to retain its sexual spark. These are your very special, intimate ‘me-time’ moments which relieve stress, burns calories and lift spirits. Supports Mihika, a 31-year-old, new mom, “As a new mom, I am tired most of the times. However, I make special effort to get going in the bed and this makes me feel closer to him. Even if the sex isn’t that good, it feels like the relationship has become stronger.”
Why to try : Necessary sex is all about decreasing sexual anxiety, accomplishing the Big O, and feeling good about your sexual prowess. Experts say that regular physical contact actually tunes the brain into the need to feel emotionally close. By making sex a regular habit, you can open new avenues of bonding as a couple. Moreover, doing it sometimes when you are not in the perfect mood can gear you up for something much hotter the next time around. And most importantly, don’t forget how much a hit-the-roof orgasm does to keep your sex spark bright.
Bummer sex
Admit it, for it’s something that’s bound to happen. An awkward grunt, a stupid expression, somebody walking in unexpectedly or may be slipping down the bed, all of us can have these embarrassing moments that we would like to ideally forget. Akhil, a 27-year-old choreographer, recollects, “We’d been together since last one year. The last time we were having sex, her roommate just walked in. We didn’t know what to say. Finally I said, ‘Whoops!’ and we laughed our heart out. The voyeurism added to the fire, needless to say.”
Why to try : Don’t fret about imperfect moments in your sex life; just rejoice and hold your lover tight. Your ability to deal with embarrassing situations reflects the strength of your relationship, say experts. Real understanding is about being able to feel at ease with each other in awkward circumstances as well. Emotional presence and trust is the biggest aphrodisiac of all and often provides the sexual thrill which can last a lifetime. React positively to embarrassing sexual mishaps and she will add funny, cute and smart to her mental list of reasons as to why she chooses to be intimate with you.
Vacation sex
A new, romantic locale often allows lovers to rediscover each another in a new light. Amidst trying different platters, adventure sports or checking out a variety of nightlife activities, every evening feels like a special date night. Vacation sexcapades act as a catalyst to reignite the passion in a relationship and make a couple feel more connected. “When on a vacation, you’re at your most carefree best, which means you can try out new things you won’t have to be accountable for at home. We went to Kerala on a friend’s recommendation, and needless to say we had the best sex ever,” shares Sidhartha, a 39-year-old business man.
Why to try : Something about leaving the laptop behind, turning the cell phone off and relaxing makes the sex better. Experts say that being in a totally alien environment sparks a sense of adventure and boldness in couples. All of this adds up to stimulating sex, which is more gratifying and more memorable than what couples have at home. Moreover, a vacation is the best place to get ‘sexperimental’. When people encounter new experiences, dopamine spikes in the brain, eliciting a feeling of all encompassing lust. This is one of the reasons a vast majority of relationship counsellors recommend regular getaways as one of the things that can help strengthen your bond.
Make-up sex
There is nothing like engaging in a sexual reconciliation after a long, gut-wrenching argument. The quality of such sex is directly proportional to the amount of time spent apart; courtesy – the phenomenal release of emotions. “After all the screaming and blaming is over and we proceed towards reconciling, I fall in love with him all over again. This after-fight sex gives me the same kick as that ‘beginning sex’ when we first meet. All of that anger is released into passion and it’s like we just want to tear down the place,” admits Mehul, who’s been married for seven years.

Until you have transcended your own ego-driven sexuality – until you have risen above your social conditioning – you are, quite literally, fucked. You may continue to masturbate, fuelled by the most erotic mental fantasies, for as long as you wish – there is no judgement in this – but do not expect to experience enlightenment any time soon.
For as long as you imagine yourself to be your mind (in which your body is contained), you remain a slave to it. The mind-body is not real. The mind-body is not who you are. Why do you allow yourself to perpetuate the myth that the experience of ejaculation is the ultimate thrill that Life has to offer? I will tell you why: because you were taught to believe it. And you bought into the lie. You were betrayed by those around you. You were betrayed because you betrayed yourself.
Since you’ve found your way to this blog, I’m taking that as a sign you’re ready to stop betraying yourself and to start honouring yourself. But before I go any further with this exploration of sex and masturbation, I must first say something important. If you take only one thing from this post, let it be this:

This is an excerpt from frank Schaeffer's new book. Writing in the Washington Post, Jane Smileycalled Sex, Mom and God "laugh out loud funny" and her review concluded like this: "Frank has been straightforward and entertaining in his campaign to right the political wrongs he regrets committing in the 1970s and '80s. As the author of 10 books since 2000, and plenty of articles and blogs, he has been more than industrious. As someone who has made redemption his work, he has, in fact, shown amazing grace."
A lot has been said about what men think womenwant and vice versa. A recent survey done in theUnited Kingdom asked men what fits their benchmark of an ideal girlfriend and found out that a high sex drive, thin figure, pert bottom, and high earner tops the priority list. So, We spoke to a few guys and gals to find if it holds true or not and found that in most cases their ideal one was - Kate Winslet! 

It's the perfect survey 
Ankit Tayal, 23, professional, says, "Well, I think the survey summed it up pretty well. I would love a girl who earns more than me, and has a higher sex drive than I do, and well, looks better than me - ideal package!" His ideal girl? Megan Fox . Anupam Roy, 25, professional, agrees, "Oh, I would love it if my girl earns more than I do, then I can gradually leave my job, as I feel that I'm too lazy and generally guys are lazy people. My ideal girl should be unbearably beautiful, bearably stupid, and should be good in bed." His ideal girl? Kate Winslet. 

It's more about the funny bone than the sexy butt 
While the survey says that men desire looks more than humour, some Delhi guys would like to differ. Says Viraj Gupta (23), "Who wouldn't want the whole package of looks, money and sex? My ideal girl should be decently educated, have a simple lifestyle, a sense of humour would be good, and should look okay, looks are not that important." His ideal girl? Kate Winslet, for her grace. 

Says Prateek Kapil, student, "My ideal girl should have a funny bone, she should be fiercely independent and should look good." His ideal girl: Cristina Scabbia, lead vocalist of the metal band Lacuna Coil. Agrees student Arun Khanna (24), "My ideal girl should be pretty, should have a sense of humour, not ruthlessly career driven or excessively competitive.The survey speaks for most guys, however the earning a higher salary part could be a point of contention between the couple." And his ideal girl? Kate Winslet or Kat Dennings . 

Men can handle a more successful counterpart 
Disagrees Sonali Sapra (23), MBA student, "I disagree with the survey that men want high salary earning women. I haven't met any man who thinks like that and I completely agree that women should earn more and if the man has a problem he should strive to earn better and live up to a woman's expectations. I would associate Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas with this survey because while she is so successful, he doesn't even get offered with 'papa' roles." 

Shallu Sharma believes that, "A man will have ego hassles if a woman earns more than them. I have met men who want you to eat and stay slim at the same time, and they have problems if you earn more, but if you are not career-minded they have a major problem. A very good case in point would be Arbaaz Khan and Malaika Arora Khan, probably Arbaaz has no ego hassles." 

The desire for a thin girl 
While the survey states that men would like their perfect mate to dig into a meal without any qualms and contradictorily be slim at the same time, Shraddha Bhateja (23), commercial pilot, disagrees, "I don't think guys like skinny girls, that is totally untrue and most of my male friends would agree with me. Both partners should take care of the family (including kids) and both should be career-minded for a successful relationship." 

In stark contrast Lisa Boye (22), airlines security agent, says, "I completely agree with the survey. Eat and stay fit, how hard is that? Who would like a person who makes a fuss at a restaurant and is on diets all the time? Half the fun is gone right there." 

Men want girls who are family oriented and will have babies 
The salary package of the perfect woman is a debate amongst men and women alike. Some feel men have ego hassles while others disagree. The survey states that women should be career-minded, earn more than her man as well as stay at home and take care of the kids. 

Prateek Kapil, 23, student, says, "I think that guys will agree with the very high salary part. If she earns more than the guys, then the guy is not going to like it, though I personally don't agree with that." 

Agrees Mehak Saluja, a quality analyst, "Men want women to stay at home but I don't think they want one who earns more than them, it brings in ego hassles. Not everyone is like an Abhishek Bachchan who can walk along with his very successful wife, while he still has to make a mark." Arun seems to sum it up, "The survey is all correct, except the part which says guys want their partner to earn more than them. This is not true for most guys as they have huge egos. The part where the survey goes contradictory and says that though high earning, the girl should be family oriented is true for guys; they want someone to be family oriented and have babies." 

Let's talk sex, baby 
Talk about sex drive and we surprisingly had two views! While some felt that sex drive is important, but intimacy was rated higher, all men agreed that sex drives relationships. Says Anupam, "She should be good in bed and that should be more important than her having a brilliant sex drive. I mean what's the point of her wanting to do it, if she is not good in bed, right?" 

Some like Prateek feel that having a huge appetite for sex could be cumbersome in a closed society like India. "Having a sex drive is good, but wanting to do it everywhere and all the time would be too much, especially in India , where you don't find much space, so it could get embarrassing," says Prateek. Adds Viraj, "As for sex drive, even the guys should have a good sex drive, if the guy doesn't do anything, what will the poor girl do?" 

Will men ever come to a consensus on the ideal GF? 
While the never-ending debate between men and women continues, what we conclude is that not only women, but men too have high demands. Most of the demands are well, contradictory, but that does not stop men from fantasising about the perfect woman who cooks, cleans, earns, eats, is slim and beautiful all at the same time. We'd say it's time you took a reality check, guys! 

Mom was sitting on my bed next to the eight-year-old version of me, reading the story of King David's Sin to me (again), when she looked up from her Bible and cheerfully declared, "Your father demands sexual intercourse every single night and has since the day we married because he doesn't want to end up like King David!"
I got that sinking feeling. I knew Mom was about to launch onto her favorite topic (besides Sex): how examples of Sin in the Bible help us all "better understand Fran's Many Weaknesses."
"Uh," I said noncommittally, while trying not to sound too interested.
"You see, Dear, King David and Fran share a Very Strong Drive in That Area. At least Fran recognizes his Need." Mom paused, smiled sweetly, then added in a brisk upbeat tone, "But I don't want you to get the wrong impression; it's not that I don't enjoy being with Fran in That Way. Within a Christ-centered marriage the union of a married man and his wife is a wonderful gift. It's just that because Fran has a Daily Need, I have to go with him on every single speaking trip. I hate leaving you alone so often, even in a good cause."
To an outsider, Mom's constant citing of Bible passages like King David's Sin to "explain" Dad's failings might have seemed like a snide rebuke. Actually, it was Mom's way of defending Dad. She was placing his Sins on a high pedestal right up there with the failings of the biblical heroes. Mom was excusing Dad by saying in effect, "Even King David, that the Bible says God loved most of all, sinned terribly. He was forgiven and I forgive Fran, too. Moreover, if even King David was awful sometimes, how can Fran be perfect?"
I don't know if the good cause Mom referred to was traveling to teach Bible studies (from Holland to Italy to England and France), enjoying the "union of a married man and his wife," or keeping Dad from straying by meeting his "Daily Need." Since the Bible is full of Sex, and since Mom wanted (had?) to talk about Sex, Dad, and God--a lot--my mother could use our Bible studies as the excuse to "share" the Facts Of Life and exonerate Dad in the context of putting him in the company of biblical heroes who had "sinned too, Dear."
One thing I do know is that every time Mom left home, she'd leave a note and small gift for each bedtime she'd be away. My parents' speaking trips sometimes lasted up to a month. I remember the sense of being enveloped in her love as Debby or Susan would read the daily note to me as I'd unwrap that day's gift. (I collected a whole shelf full of excellent model car Dinky Toys in this way.) I also look back on my mother's tremendous warmth and kindness as her love spilled into the lives of the next generation.
My mother showed unbounded love to my daughter, Jessica, and son Francis when [my wife] Genie and I were living in "Noni's" home (as her grandchildren call Mom). From birth until Jessica was ten and Francis seven, Noni played an outsized role in their lives. We lived with my parents in their chalet's basement apartment for the first five years of our marriage, then we moved into our own place across the street. (When Jessica was ten and Francis was seven, Genie and I moved to the States and our children's daily encounters with Noni ended.)

My mother's influence in Jessica's and Francis's lives was significant. She patiently compensated for Genie's and my being so young. As Genie says, "Noni was the best mother-in-law a young married woman could ever have had. She never 'advised,' rather was just always there to help and, when asked, gave the wisest relationship advice I've ever heard." And Jessica and Francis loved visiting Noni; as Jessica described it, "Going upstairs to Noni was a moment each day when I felt as if I was stepping into bright sunlight."
When Mom was home, she always had handy a Bible story that, with just the slightest nudge, could illustrate my father's Sins-- from his Strong Drive In That Area (King David) to his sometimes violent Moods (King Saul). And the cross she had to bear because of his "unfortunate working-class background" (reminiscent of Esau and the Bible's other "rough-mannered men") was handily illustrated by the Apostle Peter, along with the other confused and uneducated working-class fishermen Jesus called to follow Him and to whom He had to explain everything, just like Mom constantly had to instruct Dad.
Mom often said, "Shall we consider King David?"
"Yes, Mom," I'd answer, knowing full well that we were going to consider King David with or without my permission.
"The story is in the book of Second Samuel," Mom said, flipping open her well-worn and heavily underlined Bible. She started to read in her impeccably clear, lilting, Bible-reading voice, enunciating each word c-r-i-s-p-l-y and pronouncing the biblical names perfectly: "Then it happened in the spring, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel, and they destroyed the sons of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David stayed at Jerusalem." Mom paused to comment, switching from her Bible-reading voice to a more intimate, conspiratorial, tone: "You see, Dear, David wasn't where he belonged. If David had been out on the battlefield killing the enemies of God where the King was supposed to be in the springtime, instead of turning his palace into a peep show, this never would have happened."
"What's a peep show?"
"We'll get to that later. The point now is that David was battling a midlife crisis, too. He wasn't in Paris, where Fran dragged me that time. But like your father, David wasn't where God wanted him either, which is always that first tragic step of backsliding, as Fran knows. Do you understand?"

How to kick-start your libido when you have fallen out of the sex habit 

It's a kind of hell - being stuck between longing for another body's warmth and cold feet when there's an opportunity to finally get some. For those who've fallen out of habit, sex can become a bit like rocket science. While you know the theory, you may get the jitters before the 'practical' because sex is learned with experience and practise counts.

Watching those sanitised love scenes in films and reading about the art of lovemaking can make the anxiety worse. On the other hand, presuming that it will be spontaneous and will just come to you is not the solution either. While having sex is like riding a bike or swimming and you never really forget how to do it, getting back on the bike or into the pool may take some preparation. Sexologists Dr Mahinder Watsa and Prakash Kothari share some ways that help you get over those inhibitions. They recommend you start by stimulating all five senses.

Keep it on your mind 
Start with the mental homework because everything starts inside your head. Let your mind get dirty. Remember, no one's watching it. Let those fantasies flow freely because thinking about sex makes you want it. Fantasise about a celebrity, actor or science professor. Read something erotic. Do it without your clothes. Better still, read aloud or listen to erotic audio. Or simply roam around naked in your house and watch yourself in the mirror. Sexy lingerie and a hot scented bath are sure to stoke those embers.

Tune up 
Research shows that the effect of music lingers on in your mind long after you've stopped listening to it. So get the right playlist, one which leads your mind in a direction your body can follow. A higher tempo will put you in a confident and alert state of mind (put it later on your playlist, perhaps), a slow one will make you calm and meditative and a sensuous number will leave you asking for more. Here are a few suggestions- Je t'aime... moi non plus by Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg, Deep by Blackstreet, Pony by Ginuwine, Peaches and Cream by 112 and Silk's Freak Me.

Body work 
Remember your body is the instrument of pleasure. Pamper it to feel more sexual. Go for a massage. The strokes and pressure stoke libido and increase blood circulation to tissues. A good session at a spa can leave you feeling sexually charged. Go for a full body wax - don't leave out the trapdoors. Your skin will feel soft and refreshed. Men can also try waxing their backs and chest, if not the whole body. An epilated skin feels more sensual and responds to caresses. Then feel and admire your body in the mirror.

Sweat it 
Exercise is critical because it does three things - improves your body image, makes you fit for physical action and also releases those happy chemicals that make you feel good about yourself. In short, it's a great tool to not only up your libido but also satisfy it. Exercise not only makes you more potent but also brings you to arousal quicker. Exercising for even 12 minutes five days a week can help. Remind yourself that sex is not just about those final few minutes. It's everything you do before as well.

Let the rhythm get you 
You may feel clumsy and clunky when you're just beginning to get physically intimate. To get up to speed quickly, get some practice in movement. Dancing fosters openness and curiosity. Roll exercise and seduction into one pastime - enroll in pole-dancing or belly dancing classes. If these are too overt, enroll for salsa with your partner. This will also give you opportunity to flirt. Back in the bedroom, it will help you move without inhibition. You will feel sexy and it will also project you in a new light to your partner.

Eat it up 
Food high on testosterone, whether you're a man or a woman, can raise your desire for sex. The hormone does wonders for your libido. It's difficult to detect testosterone levels and hence it's safer to just eat the right foods. Have kaali daal (Urad) twice a week. Leafy green vegetables are apparently good for more than just vitamins.

Eating off your partner's body is also good for sexual health. So plan some bedroom activity around food. This planning will save you the trouble of wondering what to do next while you're in the act. Get creative with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, honey or fruit pulp. Paint a chocolate path that leads to your hot zones and have your partner lick it off. Chilled champagne, wine or beer will help you loosen up. Thoroughly washed cucumbers, carrots and bananas can double up as sex toys.

What you do in the rehearsals shapes your performance in the final show. So learn to have fun with yourself first. Check the Kamasutra, which has details on pleasuring yourself. Touch and stimulate the parts of your body that arouse you. Use toys and foods mentioned above when you're practising.

Stress it down 
If the problem goes deeper, figure out what's making you feel out of it. Stress is the number one killer of all appetite. So identify the factors that cause you stress. The human mind goes into the alert mode when stressed and this interferes with your sexual system, not allowing it to activate itself. You need to think about when you last took a holiday. Don't bring work home and plan weekends outside the city.

Position yourself 
Once you get started, think of ways to keep going. Try innovative positions - there is more to it than missionary, woman-on-top, and doggie. Get the mobile version of Kamasutra on your phone. A change of location can help - try the dining table or kitchen platform. Change your sex schedule. Jump your partner before you head out for a party or movie. Even a quickie will help kickstart the libido scooter.
Try making out at these places with your lover

Are you bored of having sex in the bedroom? And you have already tried the couch and the bathtub, umpteen times? Then explore these unconventional places to enjoy lovemaking to the fullest.

In the balcony: If you're lucky and have a private one, then it's a great point to have sex. Otherwise act in advance and make proper arrangements to cover the view. And make sure it's private enough so that you won't worry about 'someone watching all the while.

In the car: May be you have tried this when you were out with your girlfriend or boyfriend. But now post marriage try going back to the carefree life and make out in the car at a spot that is away from the disturbance of the cops that is.

Go for night camping: If you are the adventurous type, then pick up your tent and go for night camping. Under the sky, amidst nature, you will surely enjoy a different kind of sex.

In the kitchen: Surprise her! Caress her while she is busy with her chores in the kitchen. Woo her and it will surely add excitement to the relationship. What you could also try is incorporating food in your play. Get naughty guys!

In the elevator: Try a super quickie here. Use lifts you know there couldn't be a lot of crowd. And make sure your finger is on the close door button.

In the pool: Aqua sex is fun. If you have a private pool, take the plunge.
Always digging deeper into what women over 50 are really thinking (and not just depending on the academic reports and studies, many of which are frightfully discouraging), I asked women on Facebook and Twitter to reveal that one thing that keeps them awake at night, that single nagging worry that haunts their sleep and has the potential to overshadow their generally positive outlook on life.
Conventional wisdom might say that women over 50 are most concerned about how they look, how many wrinkles they have and how young they appear. In fact, there's big business in convincing us that these should be our focal points. As I've written before, women often feel invisible and unimportant once they are over 50, but that isn't a gut-wrenching fear; it's an observation, and one that most women I know shrug off with a knowing smile.
When I asked them to share their worst fear, none of these issues came up. A few mentioned health as a priority, or maintaining the ability and strength to keep doing everything they are doing. But, based on the many responses, it's clear that these women who are out there working, taking care of their families and contributing to their communities in meaningful ways have something much bigger than crows feet on their minds.

Click on pictures to enla

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