CLUB DE SEXYMIND

LIFE STYLE MAGAZINE FOR ADULTS ONLY

written by Josephine Mary dari Kajang Tamah Megah

Selagi Islam Melayu Malaysia ini ada negara ini tidak akan maju... melayu bodoh nak hancurkan agama kristian... menteri, sultan semua bodoh makan tahi anjing sial."

"Saya Josephine Mary dari Kajang Tamah Megah, saya pergi ke Gereja Holy Family Kajang. Paderi kami, George Harrison ajar kami dalam Melayu Allah, kenapa Melayu Islam isukan hal kalimah Allah ini... saya tak puas hati la, memang Melayu Islam Malaysia bodoh makan tahi... sultan menteri semua bodoh melayu sial."

"Sultan Selangor pun macam anjing sial bodoh dengar cakap orang... allah milik orang kristian, islam melayu malaysia nak rampas konon, melayu anjing sial."

Josephine Mary capture the mood of the nation

Why do these kinds of scandals so rarely happen with female politicians?

Josephine Mary

In 1995, Father Cyriac Karthikapallylured a 15-year old school-going girl to his bedroom. For the next two years, the priest entered into a sexual relationship with the minor girl that she gave birth to a female child on September 15, 1998.

VATICAN CITY (RNS) Modern popes have had their fans and detractors, but few would dispute their reputations for personal virtue. That’s partly why the five most recent pontiffs — including John Paul II, who will be beatified on May 1 — are under formal consideration for sainthood. But as the new television show The Borgias is about to remind us, it was not always thus. Billed as the “sordid saga” of the “original crime family,” the eight-week drama series premieres Sunday (April 3) on the Showtime network with an episode about the 1492 election of Rodrigo Borgia as Pope Alexander VI. Showtime’s website calls Alexander (played by Jeremy Irons) a “wily, rapacious” patriarch who followed his “corrupt rise” to the papacy by committing “every sin in the book to amass and retain power, influence and enormous wealth.” Alexander, who reigned until his death in 1503, has gotten bad press since the 15th century. A contemporary critic, the zealous church reformer Girolamo Savonarola, even claimed that the pope was doing the work of the Antichrist. Unsurprisingly, Alexander eventually had him executed. In his recent history, Lives of the Popes, University of Notre Dame scholar Richard P. McBrien calls Alexander the “most notorious pope in all of history.” Even William Donohue, the pugnacious head of the Catholic League who assailed Showtime for airing its “sensationalist” show during Lent, concedes that Alexander was an “extortionist who led a life of debauchery.” How bad was he? The Spaniard Borgia, the only non-Italian member of the conclave that elected him, made himself pope with the help of generous bribes, handing out offices and privileges accumulated since his uncle Pope Callixtus III had made him a cardinal at the age of 25. During his 11-year papal reign, according to historian Eamon Duffy’s Saints and Sinners, Alexander “was widely believed to have made a habit of poisoning his cardinals so as to get his hands on their property.” When he assumed the throne at age 61, Alexander had eight illegitimate children “by at least three women,” Duffy writes, and went on to father at least one more. While still a cardinal, Borgia was rebuked by Pope Pius II — himself an author of erotic plays — for holding an orgy where married women had been invited to attend without their husbands. It didn’t stop there. Alexander’s son, Cesare Borgia, who led Alexander’s reconquest of papal lands from Italian princely families, was the amoral model for Niccolo Machiavelli’s The Prince. Yet some of Alexander’s shocking behavior is less remarkable in historical context. Bribery in papal elections, for instance, was a common practice. And the popes of the late 15th and early 16th centuries were all engaged in a struggle with secular potentates — especially the kings of France and Spain — to defend the autonomy of the church. In other words, cold-blooded political and diplomatic maneuvering was an art well-known to both church and state. Even so, Alexander was not a total villain. He was relatively tolerant of Rome’s Jews, compared to the 33 later popes who kept them locked in a six-acre, malaria-infested ghetto for more than three centuries. He was even something of an early feminist, letting his daughter Lucrezia Borgia effectively run the papacy when he was away. Despite his reputation for debauchery, his rumored orgies seem to have been fictional, and the supposedly hedonistic pope followed what Duffy calls a “spartan and coarse diet” heavy on sardines. Even by the relaxed standards of his day, Alexander must be judged as one who put his own interests and those of his family ahead of his avowed role as leader of Christendom. Perhaps the most unambiguous evidence: he offered to prevent a crusade to free Constantinople from Muslim rule in return for 300,000 gold ducats from the Turkish sultan. As Duffy writes, “the subordination of religious zeal to political pragmatism could go no further.”

“Free Women”, “No Sharia” and “No Oppression”.Femen staged a topless protest inside a Stockholm mosque

Christain Josephine Mary activists from the radical protest group Femen staged a topless protest inside a mosque on Saturday before they were led away by police.

Christain Josephine Mary burst into the mosque and tore off their black robes to bare their breasts, which were emblazoned with slogans such as “No sharia in Egypt and the world” and “My body is mine, not somebody’s honour”.

The women shouted “Free Women”, “No Sharia” and “No Oppression”.

The hormone of love just to do with sex

Our fifth problem and most unfortunate problem is the moral police. They are problem number 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 rolled into one and perpetuators of the same. Rather than go after child molesters, rapists, paedophiles, dowry deaths, they chase innocent consenting adult lovers, file cases on those who talk pro-premarital sex (ala Khushboo), burn shops that sell love cards... The list goes on ... ! They are averse to friendship between the sexes, love, sex and even the simple art of romance out of the boundaries of marriage.

I've listed the problems. But what are the solutions? I suppose it's do away with Victorian hangovers, practice tolerance, and when in bed with your partner, remember ... there are only two known mammals that enjoy sex. Humans and dolphins. Let's thank our creator and honour his intentions. Let's make the most of it!

It's been more than a decade since oxytocin was first heralded asthe "hormone of love" -- a distinction that came with optimistic predictions for future drug therapies. It was just a matter of time before an oxytocin nasal spray would be available on pharmacy shelves, with the potential to cure shyness and dampen anxiety and, perhaps, even treat the social deficits of autism.

The excitement was not confined to the popular press. The early animal studies, which showed a link between oxytocin and sociability, generated considerable interest in scientific circles as well, and indeed led to a decade of intense study of the hormone. That search has in some ways been disappointing, producing inconsistent and weak effects, but it has not been fruitless. Instead, it has led scientists to take a still hopeful but much more nuanced view of the hormone of love. The question now is not whether oxytocin has beneficial effects, but under what circumstances and for whom does it have these effects?

That's the view of Jennifer Bartz of McGill University, one of the leading researchers in an ongoing reevaluation of the evidence about oxytocin. Her position now, which she discussed this week at the meeting of the Association for Psychological Science in Washington, D.C., is that the benefits of the hormone -- including an oxytocin drug, in the form of a nasal spray -- depend on both the person and the situation. Therapies of the future, she predicts, will be much more individualized than originally predicted.

Consider the effects on emotional intelligence, or what scientists call "social cognition." This includes our ability to detect others' emotions, to take another's point of view, to empathize. Several studies have shown beneficial effects on these crucial social skills -- including benefits for those with disorders like autism. But other studies have found no benefits. Instead of being discouraged in this line of inquiry, Bartz has examined the results more closely and arrived at a more complex conclusion: Oxytocin appears to improve empathic accuracy for those who are socially less proficient to begin with, but not for those who are more proficient. In other words, the drug appears to improve emotional intelligence, but only for some and only to a certain level. These mixed results could still be promising for those with social deficits, such as those with autistic spectrum disorders. But an empathy drug for the general population is probably not in the cards.

Bartz has also been examining the evidence regarding oxytocin and trust. Trust is one of a suite of behaviors essential for human bonding, and the results here have also been decidedly mixed. In fact, some studies have found that oxytocin leads to the opposite of trust -- envy and suspicion and insecure attachment to others. Again, however, when Bartz scrutinized the mixed findings more closely, she found an intriguing pattern: Oxytocin often boosts trust (and cooperation), but trust evaporates when other people are seen as untrustworthy -- or when they are simply unfamiliar. In other words, oxytocin can enhance trust or mistrust, depending on the social situation.

These are just two examples of how the hormone oxytocin -- administered as a drug -- can produce paradoxical effects, effects that depend on the drug's interaction with the individual and the individual's life situation. These patterns of findings are also helping Bartz illuminate the basic mechanisms at play in the hormone's effects. It might be that the hormone reduces anxiety, for example, and that dampened anxiety in turn affects emotional intelligence and trust and other skills. Or perhaps the drug works by boosting motivation to affiliate with others. Or -- and this is the explanation Bartz prefers based on the evidence so far -- it could be that oxytocin enhances the perception of social cues in the world.

Enhancing meaningful cues -- others' facial expressions, for example -- could explain both the positive and negative downstream consequences of the drug. That is, heightened social attention would be expected to magnify empathy and trust toward reliable others, but undermine them in the face of uncertainty or competition. It's likely, Bartz believes, that all of these psychological mechanisms come into play simultaneously.

All this evidence suggests that future therapies will have to be more strategic. One possibility, Bartz believes, is that drug therapy might someday be combined with psychological interventions to produce very specific effects. For example, drug therapy might be combined with training in face processing or emotion recognition to target the deficits of autism--one of the promises first heralded more than a decade ago.

Extra-marital affairs work for those who want that extra spice, says Rupali Dean.

Infidelity is perhaps as old as marriage. And, along with the growing tribe of cheating spouses, there are some partners who remain blissfully unaware of any damage to their marriage.

Interestingly, the Infidelity Facts website states that up to 41 per cent of spouses who cheat actually admit to their affair. "It's nothing new, but more in the open now," says Sarika Pilot Chaudhry.

Many, who are prone to experimenting, do it guilt-free as long as they're meeting "responsibilities" in the domestic space. Mrs and Mr Shah were the most perfect couple; they made the most brilliant hosts at parties and seemed inseparable. Later, the husband was seen romancing Nirali in another city. He reasoned, "I love my wife, but since we have been married for so long, I am a bit bored and need that excitement. Nirali is also married, so it's 'safe'! I love it when she accompanies me on an official trip as we can spend time exclusively. I am enjoying it while it lasts."

Expert speak
Psychiatrist Dr Himanshu Saxena believes males by nature are polygamous. He agrees that Indians are more open about expressing their sexuality now. "Often, it's marital disharmony that leads to extra-marital affairs. In arranged marriages, the spouses may not click, and look for options elsewhere. A liberal media and generally more openness with the opposite sex, such as colleagues, bring people closer emotionally and sexually." He adds, "The seven-year itch persists and if marital relations stale, a fresh person appears more interesting."

No guilt!
For some, an affair provides something lacking in their own marriage, which could be sex or mental stimulation. Rajesh Goyal, married for 12 years and recently blessed with a son says, "I don't feel guilty. My wife has no reason to complain; I give her all that a loving husband would, but my girlfriend is my ideal companion and lover. And, one can't marry everyone they love, right?"

For Maya, it's just about sex, "I love my husband deeply and can't dream of any other man in my life. Unfortunately, he has a low libido and I don't want to lead the life of a nun; I am young and have my desires, so if it's a man that excites me, I simply have to go ahead."

Then there are the serial cheaters or the sex addicts! 'Sex is wilder and more exciting with a stranger," shares Krishna.

Is it worth it?
Says socialite Sonu Wassan, "To bring back the spark in the marriage, an affair can act as a catalyst." Adds Arjun Sawhney, who runs a PR firm, "Humans are not monogamous, so if you feel it's fine and your partner is okay with it, go for it. Variety is the spice of life."

Comedian Gurpreet Ghuggi warns, "I think one gets into this purely for sex and it's not worth risking your marriage."

In 'open marriages', individuals have to learn the art of backing off before things become too hot to handle. Ultimately, whether it's an affair of the mind or for sexual pleasure, it's the families they want to go home to!

Fifty Shades of Grey is a strange book. There is so much sex in it, and yet you don't feel sufficiently motivated to finish it in one read. Though it takes no more than fifty pages to unravel the plot, you continue reading, mostly out of curiosity over why the world is nuts about it. Like most books Fifty Shades has its moments, but unlike the others boasts of a peculiarly cheesy plot surrounding a stinking rich, obsessive young man of 27, Christian Grey, who has a herculean appetite for BDSM, can't help his stalking tendencies, and goes around with a bizarre dominant-submissive contract.

Barring Christian's heart-stopping looks, a fine business acumen that makes him the owner of the million dollar Grey Enterprise, prowess on the piano, knack for foreign languages, exotic wine, global cuisine, branded clothes, fancy cars, flying choppers and a curious fetish for sex, he is an everyday lover. Only he does not believe in love. While his 'sex' interest Anastasia Steele, a literature student, is an incurable romantic who believes her hero should be straight out of a classic novel. Yet she finds herself reeling under Christian's leery gaze right from the first time she walked into his office to interview him for the college journal in place of her best friend and room mate Katherine Kavanagh (Kate). Sparks fly, hearts pound, cheeks flush, butterflies swarm, and a weird creature called 'inner goddess' (coined by our author EL James, more like a rhetoric for Anastasia's conscience) leaps out of the shadow and pirouettes at the thought of having sex, which is quite all the time.

Ana and Christian share a searing chemistry since their first meeting. He showers her with expensive presents from laptop, lingerie to a luxury car, which Ana reluctantly accepts, for she would have liked a more traditional lover who talks to her, lets her touch him, and most importantly, makes love to her. But Ana just can't get him to talk, far less understand his obsession for bondage and why he wants her in pain when they have sex. Ana's quandary on many an occasion touches the readers, particularly when she weeps into her pillow for falling for a man who was incapable of love. She tries in vain to ferret out details of his past life, the women he came in touch with, but comes out disillusioned. A prickly 'inner goddess' (read conscience) notwithstanding, Ana embarks on a robotic sex marathon with Christian in every imaginable place on earth, and discovers her own erotic desires in the process. She loves everything Christian makes her do, considering she was a prudish little virgin when he initiated her into hardcore bondage sex. And Christian on his part only expresses fascination for Ana, no warmth whatsoever. A cold lover Mr. Grey, and that's where the book despite being make believe scores. At your wits end by now you wish to find out straight, without any more waffle on screaming orgasms and moaning, what holds him back, and why he won't "do love". Christian so much as hesitates to kiss Ana for the first time because they haven't signed the contract involving a dominant and a submissive, where he as a dominant would present her with terms and conditions on things to do in order to be a successful and pleasurable sub. Full of absurd clauses, the contract can have you squirming with discomfort. Not sure if that too is a high-point of the novel.

You might like Katherine Kavanagh's character, who like a true friend shows concern for Ana, chastises her, and tries her best to shield her from the obsessive, good-looking billionaire. The plot pitches post the initial lingerie exchange and air plane rides, but falls flat soon after, making you put it away to do some other reading in the meantime. But yes, you do get back to it eventually, like the rest of the world.

early two years ago, when South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford admitted (finally, in a spectacularly embarrassing press conference) to having an extra-marital affair with an Argentine woman, a lot of questions were raised about why this kind of scandal so rarely happens with women politicians. One answer offered was simply that there aren't that many women politicians in office.

It's true, of course. Women only make up 16.4% of the current Congress, and 12% of the nation's governors. But in a 2009 Newsweek tally of political sex scandals since 1976, only one out of 53 instances involved a woman politician (former Idaho Congresswoman Helen Chenoweth, who admitted to having an eight-year affair with a married rancher in the 1980s). So women aren't even holding up their fair percentage of the scandals.

Married people from all walks in life have extra-marital affairs. According to a 2006 report on American Sexual Behavior as part of the General Social Survey (GSS), an average of 16-18% of all married people have had an extra-marital affair. That's a considerably lower number than is often bandied about in the popular press, of course, which Tom Smith, the report's author, attributes to the lack of scientific rigor in the studies reporting higher numbers. He cites a number of studies that mirror the GSS results. But even in the GSS results, almost twice as many men had had extramarital affairs than women.

Why is that? Many reasons, to be sure. But the two scandals grabbing the headlines this week (the arrest of IMF managing director Dominique Strauss-Kahn for sexual assault and the admission of former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to fathering a child with a member of his household staff), point to a couple of factors that help explain that gap.

One has to do with what we typically consider attractive and/or sexy in men versus women. For better or worse ... as a culture, we see competence and power as very attractive features in a man. The more power and competence a man and his position (and money) denote, the more attractive he will seem to a whole host of women. This, by the way, explains the appeal of the military flight suit. I single out the flight suit, as opposed to military dress uniforms, because there is nothing inherently attractive in what military pilots refer to as their "green bags." And yet, a pilot walking into a bar in one increases his chances of getting a date by an order of magnitude over a guy in a t-shirt and jeans. Why? Because the flight suit denotes competence and a certain level of power.

A woman pilot wearing a flight suit into a bar, on the other hand, will see her chances of a date fall. Why? Because (and again, this is a general trend, there are always exceptions), we don't see competence and power as sexy in a woman. If anything, they're threatening. When I bought my current airplane 12 years ago, (a simple, four-seat, single engine model), a male friend of mine congratulated me on the purchase, but then added,

"You know, Lane, this is not exactly going to help your love life."

Is that image changing? Of course it is. More and more men are waking up to the benefits and appeal of a smart, competent, independent and powerful woman. But as a culture, what makes a woman appealing is still her looks, not her power.

So how does this relate to political sex scandals? Well, one reason floated for the seemingly high number of politicians being caught cheating is that so much more opportunity may exist for them to stray. The theory goes that a politician (or star athlete, for that matter) will find a dizzyingly high number of adoring admirers at their disposal. And that theory may be true ... but I would argue that phenomenon is one known far better by male politicians than female ones. Why? Because the very features that make a male politician so much more attractive to people they meet (power and competence) make their female counterparts less sexually attractive, at least in many people's eyes.

But there's a second aspect of the power/sex connection that also helps explain the gap in sexual misconduct. And that's simply the sense of entitlement that some men have about sex, in terms of it being a kind of reward for achieving power, and a way of reassuring themselves about their hold on that power.

The link undoubtedly dates back to the days of conquering, raping and pillaging all being lumped together in the spoils of warrior combat. Win the battle, gain the power, and take the sex you want. That's not acceptable in today's more civilized society, of course, but a piece of it endures and surfaces more often than we'd like to admit. The atrocities in the Congo aside (where rape still IS a prevalent spoil of war), there's the bragging of Magic Johnson about having had sex with a thousand women, the six-game suspension of Steelers' quarterback Ben Roethlisberger for accusations of his assaulting and/or mistreating women, and even, on a much lesser scale, the dream many young men harbor of making it big on Wall Street so they can have a lot of women. I know women who have career aspirations on Wall Street, but none that involve making it big so they can have sex with a whole lot of men.

So even in consensual matters, there's a two-way dynamic with men in powerful positions that doesn't exist with women. Culturally, men are more likely to link power with a sense of entitlement about rewards that include sex, and there are many women who do, in fact, see a man as more sexually attractive if he's powerful. Hence you have Arnold Schwarzenegger having an affair with a member of his household staff, and President Clinton having an affair with a young White House intern. If President Clinton had been a janitor instead of the President of the United States, Monica Lewinsky would likely not have given him the time of day.

But that same link between power and sex lies behind sexual assault, as well. And that's where it really gets ugly. Any rape crisis counselor will tell you that rape (and sexual harassment, for that matter) is about power, not sex. Sex is just the tool -- a way for an attacker to reassure himself of his power. An insecure man may use rape as a way to prove power he doesn't feel he has. But there's also the case of powerful men so used to getting their way with women that they can't imagine or handle any other outcome -- which is one of the theories being floated to explain Strauss-Kahn's alleged behavior.

The link between power and sex for women, on the other hand, has been to withhold it, not to force it. The plot of the Greek play Lysistrata even revolves around an agreement the women of Athens make with the women of Sparta to withhold sex from their husbands until both armies agree to stop fighting each other. So if anything, the power/sex link for women, if there is one, is a deterrent, not a catalyst. But most women in positions of power are also still far more concerned with being taken seriously than being seen as sexually attractive individuals. For men, the two go together. For women, the equation still involves opposite pulls--especially for women old enough to be in positions of political power.

Most women intuitively understand this dynamic, which is part of the reason why some of these politicians' behaviors make us so uncomfortable. If a man falls in love with someone other than his wife, it's certainly bad, and we thank our lucky stars that we're not the betrayed spouse in question, but it's easier to dismiss it as a private matter. But when we sense a power imbalance in the relationship, it makes it harder to compartmentalize a man's professional talents from his personal behavior. If we believe a man has crossed the line into sexual assault, most women would agree to cut him off at the knees (hence the drop in support for the Pittsburgh Steelers last fall among the team's female fans). But even if the behavior stays this side of legality, like affairs with household help or consenting but powerless young women, I think it gives us pause that extra-marital affairs between equals do not. Why? Because the abuse of that power is something that almost every woman, at one point or another, has had to deal with in the world. And we know just how awful, unjust and destructive a force it can be.

Image: STR New / Reuters

evangelista ling
yahoo.com x
dididot@yahoo.com
113.21.145.34

Submitted on 2012/11/15 at 1:07 am

Debra Chong need to mind her language it does not make you more intelligent than others by your unpleasant remark , have some respect otherwise you are n better having a brain of an idiotic animal

OK evangelista ling I have a brain of an idiotic animal tell me what i wrote that triggered you to say that?

are having an affair with Debra Chong you been sneeking into boob sucking her milk tank dry buddy