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Sex, Love & the Arab World
The Men We Love Come Clean
By Amy Mowafi
Against her better judgement, Senior Editor Amy Mowafi braves the inner workings of the male psyche…and finds out objects in the mirror are far simpler than they appear…
The Boys, Photographed by Adham Mostafa on location at the Presidential Suite of the Conrad Hotel in Cairo for Enigma Magazine
It was a crazy idea. Handpick five of Egypt’s favourite and most dynamic young men, throw them in a room together and get them to talk about sex, love and rock n’ roll. We wanted to find out what these men really think about Arab women. We wanted them to confess their deepest, darkest and most hilarious thoughts. What do the men we love…love about women? So on a balmy autumn evening, high above the Nile in the Conrad hotel’s Presidential Suite, Mohamed Hefzy, Tarek Ganainy, Mohamed Banany, Hany Soufrakis and Ayman Baki got cosy and came clean.
Vital Statistics:
Mohamed Hefzy, Single
Blockbuster scriptwriter
Tarek Ganainy, Married
Partner in TV Production Company Media Clinic
Mohamed Banany, Married
Vice President, Coldwell Banker, Egypt
Hany Soufrakis, Single
Executive Director of Barach Gruppo & Chairman of Ghibli Raceway
Ayman Baki, Married
Senior Partner & Marketing Director Ethos Properties
FATAL ATTRACTION
Amy: Ok boys, let’s start with an easy one, what do you find attractive in a woman?
Hefzy: That’s easy. The texture of her skin.
Amy: What? So a woman walks into a room, and you think, wow, her skin has great texture?!
Baki: Yeah, that’s a new one!
Ganainy: It’s all about the charisma. If a girl’s charismatic, she’ll attract attention. She could be standing in the corner of a room, chatting to her friends, and something about the way she’s interacting can be so attractive.
Banany: It’s something that you can just sense. It’s charisma and attitude.
Baki: So you’re saying if she’s ugly but has “charisma” you’d look at her?
Ganainy: No!
Hefzy: The word ugly is politically incorrect.
Ganainy: I think certain sizes are unacceptable.
Amy: I can’t believe you just said that.
Ganainy: I just mean certain sizes don’t match needs. I’m a tiny guy; I don’t want a woman who is bigger than me!
Soufrakis: I’m not with the guys on this one. There may be physical attraction when you see someone for the first time, but that can only last so long. The next step is the character. It’s all about the personality.
Ganainy: Of course, it’s the looks that attract your attention at first, but it’s the personality that lasts. Even if you’re married to Charlize Theron, in a year or two she’s just another woman. I mean you’re not looking at her and thinking ‘you’re Charlize Theron’. If you’re not with someone you can talk to, it’s not going to last.
Hefzy: If I’m married to Charlize Theron, I won’t really care about character.
Baki: So what happens when you get bored of her?
Hefzy: Just get divorced.
Amy: Well, before we started obsessing over Charlize, Hany made a lovely point about this thing they call personality. So what character traits are attractive?
Banany: Someone who can understand you.
Ganainy: Someone with whom you can let your guard down and still feel appreciated.
Banany: It’s all just a chemical reaction, a spark; like magic.
Baki: Even if Charlize Theron was throwing herself at you, but there was another woman you really liked, you’d probably go for the one you liked.
THE ONE NIGHT STAND
Baki: Let me ask you guys a question, do you like one night stands?
Soufrakis: I thought we weren’t going to get that personal.
Hefzy: One night stands are not personal if you ask my opinion.
Soufrakis: So long as it’s far away from your own particular circle, I think most men wouldn’t have a problem with that.
Ganainy: Wouldn’t it be great if you could tell from the way a woman looked at you if she was after a relationship or just sex?
Baki: Some guys don’t like one night stands.
Ganainy: I don’t believe that.
Baki: Well I’ve never had a one night stand!
Ganainy: You never had the chance or you just chose not to go there?
Baki: Both!
Amy: I don’t believe that for a second.
Hefzy: What if you break her heart after one week? Does that count as a ‘one night stand’?
Soufrakis: One week, one day, that’s not the point. A one night stand is when you’re not serious.
Banany: But don’t all relationships essentially start with a one night stand? You wake up the next morning and decide if you want her again or not.
Soufrakis: If it’s someone you enjoyed being with, why stop at one night?
Hefzy: Because the fact remains that most Arab men are not ok with continuing a serious relationship with someone you’ve just been in a one night stand with.
Baki: Exactly!
Amy: So where are the boundaries? At what point is it ok for her to sleep with you? After a week, a month, a year, never before marriage?!
Banany: It depends on whether or not she’s Arab.
Hefzy: If things happen too quickly it’s not going to last with me. It makes me feel too insecure about her.
Baki: Of course it goes back to culture and tradition. If you were abroad you wouldn’t care so much. But in Egypt you have to live up to your family’s expectations of what a ‘good’ girl is.
Soufrakis: I once fell seriously in love with someone who was the very opposite of everything my family wanted from me. When you’re in love, you’re willing to bend the rules. It taught me that you can’t have a checklist of criteria. Love doesn’t work that way.
Hefzy: Personally, if I know there is going to be something that makes the relationship difficult, no matter how much I like the person, I will just back off. You have to have criteria. That doesn’t mean you’re inflexible, but you need to know what your comfort zone is.
SEX, LIES & THE PAST
Amy: So what happens when a woman asks, ‘Baby, am I the best you’ve ever had?’ I mean, how much about your past should your lover know?
Ganainy: There is nothing my wife doesn’t know about my past.
Baki: My wife and I laugh at the past together. It’s like, ‘Remember the days when I used to date X?’
Amy: You’ve told her everything?!
Baki: Yes everything!
Banany: And you’ve never regretted doing that?
Ganainy: I think there’s more chance of regret if you hide the truth, especially in a community as small as Cairo.
Banany: I think sharing everything just causes unnecessary tension.
Ganainy: I didn’t invite any of my ex-girlfriends to my wedding.
Baki: I invited all my ex-girlfriends
Banany: So did I.
Ganainy: Look, I figured it was her day. So if there is a 0.00001 % of her seeing one of my exes and getting upset, what’s the point?
Baki: I think she ought to be proud that she’s there with you, and not one of the other girls.
Ganainy: Yeah, but all my exes are still in love with me.
TILL LIVING TOGETHER DO US PART
Baki: Ok, I’ve got another question for the married guys. Would it have been better to live with your wife before tying the knot?
Ganainy: I had an ex-girlfriend whom I lived with in the States for around two years. You definitely get close to the person, quicker. Especially compared to dating in Egypt where you can’t really spend that much time with your girlfriend before you marry. It’s different when you spend all night with her. But it also means ‘goodbye’ can happen much quicker.
Amy: So if you had the chance to live with your wife before marriage, would you have still married her?
Ganainy: I think if you can make it through the first year of marriage, then you’re safe. I’m at the three year mark.
Hefzy: It’s definitely the routine of daily life that makes all the difference. But if you do it before marriage, it takes away all the novelty. You’re just making married life less special.
BAD GIRL LOVE
Amy: One of you said, “You can’t help who you fall in love with and sometimes a guy could just fall in love with a bitch.” So tell me, what makes a girl a ‘bitch’?
Baki: Girls who are with someone new everyday.
Hefzy: Someone who pretends they are something they’re not.
Soufrakis: Someone who says something and then does something else. Girls who play games.
Ganainy: It goes back to the culture issue. If you’re abroad and you sleep with a girl, it feels normal. She’s honest about it, she’s not kidding anyone. But in the Arab world there’s so much secrecy around sex it starts to feel dirty.
Amy: So what happens if you fall head over heels, and then discover the girl has a serious past?
Ganainy: I’m afraid I’m one of those old fashioned guys. I can’t stand for that.
Baki: So you’re totally in love with a woman, then discover she slept with a couple of guys, you would end it?
Ganainy: I wouldn’t even let myself get to the point where I fall in love with her. Why put myself in that situation?
Hefzy: My number is 7. No I’m just joking! In this society children are affected by their mother’s reputation, and we live in this society. So I can’t say it doesn’t matter. It matters, but there are more important things.
Ganainy: It’s not about the ‘sex’ so much. If a girl has been in love with 10 guys, even if she has never slept with any of them, I’d still be concerned. It means she’s not mature enough to differentiate between a crush and love. So how can I trust her?
Amy: I think it’s just a male ego thing. Every guy wants to the first.
Banany: If a girl has zero experience, that’s just as big a problem. You have to educate them. I cannot be with someone who is inexperienced in life, especially when I have done and seen so much. I need someone who can support me.
Ganainy: Every guy has different priorities, but the basic requirements are the same – someone from a good family who can give your life a bit of balance.
“ALL THE WOMEN WHO INDEPENDENT”
Amy: Ok, so what do Arab men really think of the independent woman?
Hefzy: I can’t be with someone who is sitting at home because I am never home. But of course that type of woman demands a certain level of security in a man.
Ganainy: If a woman has a nine-to-five job and then brings that job back with her, it can be difficult. I’m lucky my wife has a private business. So she doesn’t have to work everyday but has something to keep her busy. Because even if she has nannies, cooks, maids and drivers, the home still needs attention. And if she has to do both, it’s not going to affect me, but she’s the one who will get tired.
Baki: I think it’s very important for a woman to work. She has to get her mind off her husband for a little while. It’s healthy for her to be occupied and have responsibilities beyond the house and kids. It’s important she feels needed and wanted.
Ganainy: I just can’t stand the idea of my wife having problems with a manager, the idea of some other man getting angry at her. If that happened, I’d make her leave her job the next day.
Amy: What?! Are you kidding me?
Baki: If she comes home upset several times, then maybe I’d step in.
Ganainy: I don’t think that after marriage, any other man has the right to be difficult with my wife.
Amy: I can’t believe I’m hearing this!
Banany: If she is independent, she has to solve her own problems.
Soufrakis: I could never accept a woman who stays at home. I’ve seen it with the woman in my family. The ones who don’t work just sit around and gossip all day. But when we both come home, I think we should leave work at the office. If professional stress starts to interfere with home life, that’s a problem.
Amy: Is it ok for your other half to be more successful than you?
Baki, Banany, Ganainy & Hefzy: Yes.
Soufrakis: I don’t believe you guys.
DATE ME, I’M DIVORCED!
Amy: Would you date or marry a divorced woman?
Soufrakis: I just think it’s sad there’s still a lot of stigma attached to it. Especially when both parties enter into a marriage with the best of intentions and it just doesn’t work out.
Amy: You think it’s sad, and yet it’s the men out there that are creating that stigma!
Ganainy: Let me tell you a story. I was in the North Coast with some friends and we saw this girl walking past us on the beach. The moment my friends found out she was divorced, their eyes lit up. They couldn’t believe their luck.
Baki: Exactly, the assumption is a divorced woman is easier to get into bed.
Hefzy: It’s not just about sex, they’re more emotionally vulnerable.
Soufrakis: I think the bottom line is this – publicly at least, this is not a sexually liberated society. Sex is still kept very hush hush, especially amongst women. So when a woman is divorced she automatically becomes a target.
Baki: The problem is divorced women stick to you, they’re very clingy.
WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?
Amy: So how important is good sex to a relationship?
Banany: Sex gets less important as the relationship goes on. It’s more about passion, and chemistry, that special touch that’s more important than sex. If that spark dies, then you have a problem.
Hefzy: I know people who married their best friends and they tell me it’s the best thing they ever did.
Baki: It’s 80% important!
Banany: Women are different. Brazilian woman love sex, it’s in their blood. Arab women, not so much.
MEN KNOW BEST
Amy: If you could leave our female readers with one last piece of advice, what would it be?
Banany: Don’t look for love, it will come.
Ganainy: Let your guard down early on!
Banany: Give us some space!
Soufrakis: Be yourself. There’s noting more beautiful than a woman without pretension.
Hefzy: Don’t give in to the pressure to get married young.
Baki: Don’t listen when society tells you not to have sex!
What Arab Women Really Want
By Travis Randall
Brave be the man who takes on these five strong women, but our loveable Staff Writer Travis Randall was the man for the job. Not only did he get the girls to open up, he made it out in one piece…just.
The Girls, Photographed by Ahmed Mobarez on location at the Presidential Suite of the Conrad Hotel in Cairo for Enigma Magazine
Once the men had spoken, we thought it was only fair to give the girls a chance to say their peace. This time we did things a little differently. We chose five strong, successful independent young women – outspoken women who weren’t afraid to tell it like it is, and tell the world what they really want…from the men they love. Two hours, ten thousand words and countless laughs later we were faced with an impossible challenge. Choosing a small sample of the stories, wisdom, jadedness, and experience of five extraordinary women on life’s most profound mystery…love.
Vital Statistics:
Arwa Gouda, Single
Top model and actress
Marwa Rakha, Single
Relationship expert for OTV
Nayrouz Abouzid, Divorced and Presently Engaged
Television producer and Managing Director of Alter-Ego Productions
Rasha Mabrouk, Single
Marketing Director, Abercrombie and Kent
Simat Kamel El Dika, Presently Single
Marketing & PR Director, Conrad Hotel
WHAT A GIRL WANTS
Travis: What are you really looking for in a man?
Rasha: Sense of humour, a guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously.
Marwa: Focus and purpose, he has to know why he’s waking up in the morning.
Arwa: Generosity in his feelings, thoughts and communication.
Marwa: Generosity in finances isn’t so bad either!
Simat: Ambitious, masculine, powerful, caring and protective.
Arwa: A man who lifts you up but doesn’t put you down; a man who doesn’t get overly jealous or try and curb your success.
KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR
Travis: You’re all independent women; does that mean you no longer want a guy to protect you?
Marwa: I want to know I have a backup but unless I ask for help, I don’t want him to interfere.
Nayrouz: I want protection, but I don’t want to have to ask for it.
Simat: Most of us are independent but we need someone to lean on sometimes. Men need to be trained to find the right balance.
Rasha: Men are confused because women are much more independent so they don’t need to lean on men so much as they want to.
Nayrouz: Our parents taught us to be strong and independent but they also taught our men to be dependant on women. The father is usually out of the house, so the woman raises her sons. So many men want a mother figure instead of a lover.
Marwa: We’ve become the men that we wanted to marry.
WHO’S YOUR DADDY?
Travis: Would you prefer a landed or a self-made man?
Rasha: I’d prefer a self-made man. It shows he’s more driven and has a stronger character; even if you have to sacrifice the time he spends working. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Arwa: Why not? Why would you have a cake without eating it?
Rasha: I’ve never found a guy that has everything. The older I get the smaller my ‘list’ gets. When I was a teenager I had 10 things I wanted in a man. In my 20s it was six. Now it’s like two. He needs to be able to walk and think.
Marwa: We want different things at different ages. Now, I want a self-made man…even if he is not going to have as much time for family. I’m strong enough to help him with family and work.
Rasha: He can be self-made and rich…but that does not mean mentally rich or open minded. I’ve heard guys say with some air of pride, “I’ve never read a book in my life.”
Simat: I like a combination of both; a well stemmed person but yet a self- made one. I would not be attracted to a shallow man and that type of man would not be attracted to a woman like me.
Arwa: On the contrary, he wants to win you. You’re the perfect target. You have everything he doesn’t so he’ll want you to pass it on to your children.
Marwa: He wants to take you, mould you and put you in a dark room for his entertainment.
OH ROMEO, OH ROMEO …
Travis: What if mum and dad don’t approve?
Nayrouz: Oh, I’ve already been there! I married a guy who they felt was too young and it didn’t work out, so I learnt my lesson. Families usually know what you want and need.
Marwa: What’s wrong with young men?
Nayrouz: Nothing, but I was 24 and he was …five. I mean he was like a child – self absorbed and didn’t know how to share. He just needed his mother.
Marwa: My mum would be happy if I married anyone at this stage.
GOOD GIRLS DON’T DATE
Travis: Does dating make you ‘damaged’?
Arwa: I can learn a lot about men by watching other people date and spending time with guy friends. I don’t have to date 10,000 guys before I’m married.
Simat: Dating is difficult because we have this idea that every successful relationship has to end in marriage. I would say that I’m happy, but in our culture to be happy is to be married with a child – living in the shadow of a man.
Marwa: It’s like if there’s no man in the picture, there is no picture.
Arwa: We’re always told, “You’re not getting any younger baby.”
Simat: We always get into relationships with the word marriage looming over us.
Marwa: You’re not getting to know a man like that. You’re too concentrated on weighing him as a husband and provider. The women who frown on dating are frustrated because they can’t do it, and the men who frown on women who date a lot are just insecure.
Arwa: The more women a man has been with, the more idolised he is. If a woman does this she’s a whore. All guys think like that, even if they don’t say it. If he doesn’t count his conquests, I’ll accept him as he is.
Marwa: We shouldn’t accept men as they are. They also should work for our acceptance.
Arwa: I’m not saying he can do whatever he wants while we’re together, but his past made him who he is. But it’s not fair for polygamous men to demand monogamous women. If he judges me, I’ll open up his little black book and show him what’s inside.
Nayrouz: Finding the right man, with the right qualities for you is a matter of experience. Don’t just jump into marriage. You have to experience life. We don’t fully grasp our femininity until we do.
DIRECTORS AND DIAPERS
Travis: How can you juggle being a career woman, mother and lover?
Simat: Choose according to your drive. Is it family, career or a mix? For everything there is a price. To be successful is to find a balance.
Marwa: It’s not just about you and the baby, but also what type of man you’re with. With a certain kind of man, I’d be willing to freelance and stay at home. With another I’d have to work and find a nanny.
Nayrouz: What’s the difference between the two men?
Marwa: Firstly if I can count on him financially, secondly how he makes me feel if I ask him for money. Some men really make you feel like they’re giving you money, feeding you and paying for your clothes…so you better be good and live according to their rules.
Rasha: If I decided to quit work, I wouldn’t automatically expect him to pay for my life. I don’t think it’s fair to put the whole burden on the man.
Marwa: Bottom line is that what men want is not the ladies sitting in this room; they prefer women who are controllable, tameable, easy to pack, easy to wrap. They don’t want arguing or challenge. They want a secretary or teacher, but not a career woman.
THIS IS ONLY A TEST
Travis: How should a man answer the question “Do you wish I was thinner?”
Arwa: If a woman is asking her partner about her weight because she doesn’t like the way she looks that’s her problem. She knows that she doesn’t look good but wants his support to feel better.
Nayrouz: Men do it with sex. They ask, “Did you like that?” Men have areas that they are also insecure about. Every woman, no matter how strong, needs assurance. When she asks, “Do I look good?” she is really asking, “Why aren’t you giving me compliments?”
Marwa: It’s perfectly fine to tell a guy, ‘lose weight, or lose the facial hair. I don’t want to look at your flab’. I can receive the same criticism if it’s given in the right way, and if the content of the criticism is fair. There are five senses and you have to please your partner in all of them.
Arwa: Men are the same all over the world. They all love breasts.
TURN OFFS?
Rasha: Men who are stingy or catty.
Arwa: Men who are judgmental or talk rudely about others. Like those who think they’re so superior, they criticise everyone. Lack of education is also a turn off. I’ve literally had men make fun of me for reading a book.
Nayrouz: Being passive is also terrible. Many Arab men have become this way because they’ve had things delivered to them by their mothers.
Marwa: Men who brag about anything. How many women they’ve been with and how long they lasted.
TURN ONS?
Marwa: Hard in the right places.
Nayrouz: Very well put.
Arwa: It’s the whole package. His mental state, character the way he looks at you and the way he uses his words.
Simat: Masculine in looks (i.e. muscles, toned and attractive…) and masculine in the way he treats you. When I’m alone I’m both man and woman, but when I’m with a man, I want to remember that I’m a beautiful woman. You can call it demanding but at the end of the day women want to be supported. We want compliments and passion, and we’re willing to give it back.
DOUBLE STANDARDS
Travis: Any interesting dating experiences you’d like to share?
Marwa: Believe it or not, I dated bisexual guys and they were very kind, open minded and understanding. If he’s with another woman it’s insulting but if it’s a man, he’s giving him something I can’t.
Arwa: I have enough trouble competing with other women, imagine if I had to compete with men too!
Marwa: It’s not about gender or sexuality, it’s his character.
TILL DIVORCE DO US PART
Travis: Nayrouz and Simat, you’re both divorced, as Arab women that must be particularly hard…
Nayrouz: Not at all. I use it to manipulate men into feeling sorry for me and getting what I want. I’m honestly not joking. When I talk about past relationships I become very attractive. It’s in a man’s nature to compete so they’d like to see if they can do better than my first husband.
Simat: I do agree with Nayrouz to an extent. As a divorced woman it’s one of the first things you talk about. I don’t feel tagged or that I’ve been judged. But it has benefited me because men are competitive. They ask why you left and they want to know the story. And it helps me explain what I expect in a man right away without him actually asking. It sets a standard.
THE SCHOOL OF LOVE
Travis: What has love taught you?
Arwa: Be kind and generous with your feelings because it makes the other person feel you appreciate them. If they abuse it then it’s in your hands to leave.
Marwa: I’ve learned that Walt Disney lied to us. Their message was that all the men are saviours and they will make us happy. If I’m not happy on my own, no man will ever make me happy. If I’m Sleeping Beauty and numb, I can’t expect him to wake me with a kiss. I need to be happy on my own, then I’ll decide which man I want.
Rasha: I still like the fairytale but a much more practical version. Real love is a muddy fairytale.
Nayrouz: Loving someone too much can backfire. So for a while I thought I should learn to love a little less. But love is an incredibly animalistic feeling, there’s no midway. And if you try and curb your emotions you stop being human.
Arwa: If you don’t have problems, you’re not in love. It’s a battle with tears, longing and pillows covered in makeup. It shouldn’t be painful, but you have to know it includes pain.
Simat: You can benefit most from love when you know what you want. It’s an investment and both partners have to give.
WOMEN WANT THE LAST WORD…
Travis: Any last words of advice for our male readers?
Rasha: Don’t take women’s affection for granted. We invest a lot in relationships and men shouldn’t abuse that. If we’re secure in ourselves, we make fantastic partners.
Arwa: We’re not your mothers. I’ll give you as much love as I can but I can also walk away if you push me. Don’t underestimate the hurt you cause to women over little issues. We don’t have the same priorities and mindset as men but ours are still equally valid. We support men for priorities that they have, positive and negative. So men should try and harmonise with us.
Nayrouz: Arrogance is sexy, but please have a reason to be arrogant!
Simat: We (independent women) are a combination of two sexes. Outside a relationship we are strong, independent and hard working, but in a relationship we want to be women. Also, marriage is not only about love. Common values and compatibility matter as much as love.
Marwa: Don’t fear experienced women who have been through a lot. With the experience comes a lot of understanding and support. You’re going to have the best friend, lover, wife and mother he can find.
Covered Arab Sex In Car
Apart from this, the perfect girlfriend is a career-minded woman who earns more than their partner but at the same time wants to stay at home and bring up the children.
The clue to these seemingly contradictory demands lies in the men polled, 3,000 bachelors.
Near the top of their girlfriend checklist is the requirement that she should have a "pert bottom" – which may explain why they are still single.
BBW Ana Part 2
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"While many women might find these standards hard to live up to, six in 10 men firmly believe their perfect girlfriend is out there somewhere. However, there are a few contradictions which might make it hard for them to get their ideal date," the Daily Express quoted Nicole Clowes, spokeswoman for UKDating , which carried out the poll, as saying.
"There aren't many women who can tuck into a mountain of food every day and stay skinny. And there is some confusion about whether men would like to date a high earner or someone who stays at home with the children."
Light Skined Black BBW Part 2
The ability to hold an intelligent conversation isn't a big concern for men – 61 per cent prefer someone who likes a laugh and a joke.
Bazooka Veronica Vaughn Jade Part 2
Here we have an innocent looking Arab hottie byt the name of Ghada entertaining herself with things lying around. When some chicks don't have proper sex toyseverything else around them become a sex toy. Click on pictures to enlarge.
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