The Archbishop of Canterbury has been saying some interesting things about forgiveness this week. He told the Radio Times: "I think the 20th century saw such a level of atrocity that it has focused our minds very, very hard on the dangers of forgiving too easily... because if forgiveness is easy it is as if the suffering doesn't really matter". In this Easter message, he states that it's not fair to expect victims of abuse, rape or torture to turn the other cheek with ease.
I totally agree. All too often we sanitize and simplify forgiveness, when in fact it's an arduous, exhausting task -- messy, risky and unpredictable.
As a result of Dr. Rowan Williams putting forgiveness back on the agenda this week, I have given six interviews for six different UK radio stations. On two occasions I was pitted against victims of an appalling crime, both of whom hardly surprisingly struggle with the very notion of forgiveness. The first was Colin Knox, whose son Rob Knox was stabbed to death in London in 2008. At the trial, the convicted man, Karl Bishop, refused to hear impact statements from Rob Knox's parents and, as reported in the Times, "swaggered into court smiling at three friends in the public gallery... and smirked as he was sentenced."
The second victim was Carol Quinn, whose daughter and two grandchildren were murdered in 2000 by Phillip Austin -- her daughter's husband and the father of the children. Carol Quinn had the horrifying task of walking into the house and discovering the bodies. The pain is as raw as the day it happened and indeed amplified by the fact that Phillip Austin, who received three life sentences, has never shown remorse.
In both radio shows the presenter suggested that forgiveness might be good for these two, still very traumatized parents, and then handed over to me. Of course, I didn't go there. I hate the notion that anyone should be coerced into forgiving. Forgiveness should never be an obligation. It is a personal choice and not necessarily right for everyone. Indeed, to expect victims to forgive simply re-victimizes and heaps yet more guilt on them. Also, forgiveness is not black and white -- to say you can't forgive doesn't necessarily mean you are eaten up by bitterness and rage. Colin Knox didn't sound in the least bit bitter -- just desperately sad.
When Colin Knox and Carol Quinn describe the lack of remorse and acute disrespect demonstrated by these two offenders, it's easy to see why both parents feel that forgiveness is undeserved. Certainly no one deserves forgiveness -- it is a gift from one person to another and only the sufferer is qualified to make that decision.
Some contest that forgiveness is interpersonal, a contractual relationship between the victim and the perpetrator, and that without repentance or remorse, you may be able to free yourself of vengeful anger, but it isn't really forgiveness. As the professor of philosophy at Boston University, Charles L. Griswold, concludes, "forgiveness is neither just a therapeutic technique nor simply self-regarding in its motivation; it is fundamentally a moral relation between self and other."
Terry Waite, for instance, who never had an opportunity to hear an apology from his kidnappers, describes his forgiveness as incomplete. For Griswold unilateral forgiveness is imperfect. Forgiveness must include, as a bare minimum, the giving up of revenge by the victim, and an assumption of responsibility by the offender. Anything less is either excuse or pardon.
So what of those who have suffered at the hands of perpetrators now dead, or unwilling or incapable of showing remorse? Are such perpetrators never deserving of forgiveness?
Those who believe in unilateral forgiveness would claim that forgiveness has nothing to do with the perpetrator and that if you wait for remorse you might be waiting for ever. According to author, Tony Wilkinson:
"The perpetrator may rarely understand what drove them, and their lack of understanding may prevent them from feeling or expressing remorse, but why does it matter? This process is part of your inner life, your inner journey and doesn't depend on them, which is why insisting on remorse before forgiveness put the power in the wrong hands."
There are in fact many people I've met, who, despite the perpetrator not expressing remorse, say they forgive. For instance Rebecca DeMauro, whose daughter was brutally murdered, explains how she decided to forgive following a long process of tormented grief which left her depleted and looking for another way forward. She says, "I knew if something didn't change I would be in the graveyard, dead from a broken heart, next to my little daughter."
In this sense forgiveness means not allowing the pain of the past dictate the path of the future; understanding that life is morally complicated, people behave in despicable ways, and that some things are inexplicable. At its most basic forgiveness is about acceptance and letting go.
So why might Rebecca DeMauro, and others who have never received an apology, choose to forgive? Is it because they recognize something distorted and broken in the perpetrator that might be traced back to childhood? A belief perhaps that a child's moral growth can be thrown off course by trauma and deprivation, storing up problems for society that explode when these children become angry adults. I have noticed that people who forgive tend to look upon those who have committed atrocious acts not as evil monsters but -- to borrow a phrase from Shakespeare -- as "ruined pieces of nature". And, in that space of brokenness, some find room for forgiveness.
Edison was suspected of arranging for the pictures to be distributed with his permission by a PC repair technician. And this may have justify his fear of being prosecuted by police in Hong Kong, and may be the reason he tried to cut a deal with police and prosecutors before returning to Hong Kong. Source:www.GutterUncensored.com
Actress Shu Qi（舒淇）attended the events held by Swarovski and gave a press statement to reveal plan on the defamation suit against the Hong Kong weekly magazine company over the Edison nude photos sex scandal.
The nude photos outflow from Edison Chen’s （陳冠希）PC provided by the police contained high chances that Shu Qi was one of the female celebrities, reported by the media. One magazine seemed to publish Shu Qi photos. “My representative office is incurring heavy losses,” said Shu Qi beaming with anger. Shu Qi’s representative company plans to sue the magazine company shortly.GutterUncensored.com
This time Shu Qi co-star with Andy Lau（劉徳華）of the movie”PC927” about romantic love story denied the delay in the filming was due to sex photos scandal.
Source: www.GutterUncensored.com
Shu Qi (Chinese: 舒淇; pinyin: Shū Qí; Wade-Giles: Shu Ch'i) (born April 16, 1976) is the stage name of a Taiwanese actress born Lin Li-Hui (林立慧). Her stage name is occasionally romanized as Hsu Chi or Shu Kei (Cantonese). Her name is sometimes seen in the Western order as Qi Shu.
She starred in Derek Yee's 1996 film, Viva Erotica, which was about the erotic film industry in Hong Kong, opposite the late Leslie Cheung and Karen Morris. At the Hong Kong Film Awards, she received the Best Supporting Actress award for the film. Since then, she has appeared in mainstream Hong Kong films such as Gorgeous(1998) opposite Jackie Chan, Stanley Kwan's The Island Tales (1999) and Hou Hsiao-Hsien's critically acclaimed Millennium Mambo (2000).
In 1999, Ang Lee approached Shu for the role of Jen in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Six weeks into filming, her manager, Manfred Wong, not foreseeing the film's massive international success, pulled her out to do a soft drink commercial in Japan, and the part went instead to Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi.
| Shu Qi | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Chinese name | 舒淇 (Traditional) |
| Chinese name | 舒淇 (Simplified) |
| Birth name | 林立慧 |
| Born | April 16, 1976 Taipei, Taiwan |
| Years active | 1996 - present |
| Official site | http://www.shu-qi.com/ |
And here she is in private:
Source: http://www.GutterUncensored.com
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Xu Ying's Profile
Name: Xu Ying
Bithday: Nov. 8
Star sign: Scorpio
Blood type: O
Height: 165CM
Weight: 46KG
Measurements (bust, waist, hip): 85 62 88 CM
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