CLUB DE SEXY MINDA virtual reading club

Let's talk about sex! I'm With Stupid:

Beauty Is in the

"I regret ever having an affair. I understand why I did it--I knew why I was doing it at the time--and I have always taken responsibility for what I was doing. I didn't think I'd regret it, but I really do. No one knows (for sure), but some suspect. I've always denied & I will always deny it because I love my husband. We worked things out; our relationship is strong; we are happy. I would never want to hurt him so I pray he never finds out. I wish I could erase those months (years, actually) from my memory, my history, my life. I wish I'd never done it. I know I'll never do it again, but it made me a different person, and I have to live with that. That's my punishment. I regret that I still see the other man because he is a friend of my husband's. He still flirts with me & hits on me & tries to get me to sleep with him. And I can never tell my husband because I'd have to admit what happened, and I can't do that to him. Like I said, I did this, I live with this, it's my punishment. But for the rest of my life, I'll regret it." -Female, 40s

We are a country of 1.2 billion people that don't want to discuss the very act that put us on the planet. Let's face it - our first and biggest sexproblem is that the very word itself, "SEX", makes us uncomfortable!

We are averse to it in advertising, in films, as living room chatter, as a subject for education in school; we certainly don't want to acknowledge our parents ever had sex, or that our kids will have to, in order to produce the grandchildren we crave. Our resistance to discussing sexual issues and educating ourselves, our children and others on sex related matters, leads to unsatisfied sex lives, unwanted pregnancies, overpopulation, sexually transmitted diseases, and the spread of HIV/Aids. We are the ostrich that buries its head in the misplaced sands of "morality and culture".

Which brings us to our second problem - a complete lack of knowledge about our culture? Anyone familiar with Hindu tantra or our world famous Kamasutra, will vouch for the fact that we were sexually liberal as a race. But somehow, our nation became so enamoured or influenced by the British Raj that we aspired for all that was theirs ... their fair skin, their power, their systems and their "morality".

We absurdly swapped our sexually liberated way of life, for the "morality" of the Victorian era. And this brings us to our third problem - sensuous, joyous people that represented a tolerant culture turned inhibited, anxious and the joy of sex became a source of shame. Sex became unacceptable as an act of recreation. It was a function that was meant to be administered only as a means of procreation and that too, within the boundaries of marriage.

This led to the death of foreplay, a resistance to exploratory acts of sex and conveniently took the pressure off the man to get his woman to an orgasm. Any attempt at a position other than missionary, was treated as an act of depravity which led to problem number four - intolerance of alternative sexuality!

Biographies of Roman kings, Greek heroes, Egyptian queens, depictions on our Konark and Khajuraho temples are all testimony to homosexuality being a part of world civilisations for centuries. However, the British deemed it a criminal offence in 1860. We sent the Brits packing but retained the desire to uphold their Victorian morality and laws.

Despite the British themselves decriminalising homosexuality in 1967, and legalising gay marriages in 2005, we carried the hangover till the Indian high court ruled it as a non-criminal offence in 2009. Unfortunately, a majority of our society still prefers the hangover. Their fear and intolerance of this community breeds misconceptions, phobias and discrimination and compels 15 per cent of our population to hide and harbour feelings of shame when there should be no need for it.

Click on pictures to enlarge.

Our fifth problem and most unfortunate problem is the moral police. They are problem number 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 rolled into one and perpetuators of the same. Rather than go after child molesters, rapists, paedophiles, dowry deaths, they chase innocent consenting adult lovers, file cases on those who talk pro-premarital sex (ala Khushboo), burn shops that sell love cards... The list goes on ... ! They are averse to friendship between the sexes, love, sex and even the simple art of romance out of the boundaries of marriage.

I've listed the problems. But what are the solutions? I suppose it's do away with Victorian hangovers, practice tolerance, and when in bed with your partner, remember ... there are only two known mammals that enjoy sex. Humans and dolphins. Let's thank our creator and honour his intentions. Let's make the most of it!