Thursday, February 27, 2014

Malayalam-Tamil actress Sex on the Beach When sex flies out of the bedroom

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Malayalam-Tamil actress Rima Kallingal is quite gutsy. The Yuvan Yuvathi actress, who recently married Malayalam film director Ashiq Abu, spent her Valentine's Day with her hubby. But what got her in a controversy recently is when she updated her social-networking page with a status message that read, "Sex on the Beach". Fans of the actress took offence after reading her status message leaving the actress in a soup!
Tamil Actress

Several people, who read the news, accused her of being 'too open' about her private life and even called it cheap gimmicks to gain attention in the social media world. However, the actress later clarified that she was referring to a cocktail drink. She even put a picture of her having the drink post the online damage. But people still continued to discuss about it. So much for 'sex on the beach'!here is really such a thing as being 'addicted' to sex. A young man successfully battling hyper secual behaviour shares his storyIt's no longer a moral issue. Excessive pornviewing is threatening real-life relationships
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Last week, TOI sexpert Dr Mahinder Watsa received a query from a 30-year-old woman who had been married for two years. The couple enjoyed sex twice a week on an average, she wrote in her e-letter, but had noticed that her husband was secretly watching pornography on the Internet, and masturbating after. The timing of physical intimacy between the couple was linked to his new viewing habit. "We usually end up having sex after he watches porn," she said. Over time, he began to avoid sex with her altogether, relying on porn entirely.

This reader isn't alone.

Ever so often I come across a man I bestow with the MBA tag. It’s not an academic credential; it’s just an abbreviation for Married But Available! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out when a man’s hitting on a woman. It’s flattering when the gentleman in question is a single male who is more interested in who you are than someone who is bombarding you with an “in your face” display of raging hormones, middle age crisis, and marital dissatisfaction. I’m a tough cookie who can masterfully handle the overtures of strangers, colleagues and acquaintances, and I can eyeball to eyeball, politely but firmly tell them there are boundaries that can never and should never be crossed. The problem is when it comes to telling off married friends or spouses of close friends. It’s such a tricky space! On instinct you want to match their gleaming ring finger with a visual of your middle finger, but realise it’s so easy to break bonds that are special, but with a little effort can actually not just strengthen it but possibly save relationships, so I just give them a tight hug. I tell them I feel so sorry they’re going through a bad space, remind them of all the crazy fun times they’ve had with their spouses, create a dream space of what they were as a couple, area as parents and what they will be like as happy, loving grandparents with loads of family love and support around them. I remind them that whilst I may be a genuine well wisher, there may be others that that might succumb or fall prey depending on the head space of the individual, but infidelity can only lead to unhappiness and I would certainly not want to be the architect of someone’s grief. Because I care!

Mumbai's andrologists and relationship counsellors say the popularity of porn among men is beginning to change relationship dynamics in the real world, often leaving partners distressed. With this, Indian men join their global counterparts. An investigation by technology magazine Extreme Tech in 2012 revealed that almost 30 per cent of Internet traffic in the world is linked to porn. The search volume index for 'porn' doubled between 2010 and 2012, is Google Trends' estimate

The man-woman divide
Sex is a primal human need, and has little to do with gender. Visual sexual stimuli, also finds takers in both, men and women. But researchers, like Heather Rupp, Ph.D, say the presumption is that men respond more strongly to it. Pornographic magazines and videos directed at men are a multi-billion dollar industry while similar products directed towards women are difficult to find. It is estimated that of the 40 million adults who visit pornography websites annually, 72% are male while only 28% are female. "Men prefer novelty, while women are more interested in stable dynamics," suggests Rupp.

A recent University of Arkansas study showed that a third of men use porn to ease boredom or stress; a fifth reach out to it when they are lonely.

The male neurological response to porn — faster heart rate, rising blood pressure, increased blood flow and an erection — is said to be stronger than the female's. Some argue, it's because the content 'suits' male sexual interests. Erotic clippings let them (visually) enjoy the casual sex several of them crave, without danger of infection or unwanted pregnancy. Clearly, porn solves a primal problem for men — it lets them enjoy commitment-free sex with multiple partners.

Matter of the mind, too
The trouble is, visual sexual stimuli is not associated with sexual health alone. It also has a bearing on mental well-being. Compulsive porn viewing can distort the viewer's expectations of sex with real people, not to mention, control his life.

Cambridge University study revealed that compulsive porn watchers show brain activity similar to that of alcoholics or drug addicts. Researchers found greater activity in an area of the brain called the ventral striatum, a reward centre involved in processing motivation and pleasure. So, just like an alcoholic's brain lights up when he spots an ad for liquor, porn addicts are stimulated when they get their hands on yet another clip.

Interestingly, the activity, usually conducted in secrecy and all alone, can push a viewer towards loneliness. Excessive exposure heightens feelings of aloneness. Kevin B Skinner, author of Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for Recovery, has, over 15 years, worked with hundreds of couples and individuals whose lives have been changed by pornography. His research links higher consumption with higher levels of depression. In Inside Porn Addiction, his blog, he says, "Regardless of relationship status, individuals who viewed porn daily were on the border of severe depression".

Dr Samir Parikh, Director of Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences at Fortis Healthcare, agrees. "Sometimes, porn is used as a crutch by those with inadequate social lives. And it's a cycle. The more they view it, the more they are pushed towards social isolation. And, the interactive nature of modern-day porn makes it worse."

Relationship risk 
Dr Hansal Bhachech's experience as consultant psychiatrist has proven that porn addicts tend to display difficulty with concentrating, boredom, shame and guilt, and may grow aggressive towards women. "Over time, it could reduce his interest in the actual act. He may grow more interested in virtual intimacy between porn stars and himself, putting his real-life relationship under strain," he says.

The problem with porn, according to Bhachech, is simple: pornography is a lie. "It promotes falsehoods about men, women and human relationships. Camera techniques and digital manipulation create myths about our bodies, timing and vigour of the sexual act, and willingness to engage in sexual activity," he says. Parikh is especially concerned about its effects on young minds. "Because the distinction between normal and perversion is blurred, it can influence belief systems," he stresses.

The good side 
What's important, argue sex therapists, is to realize that like with any indulgence, porn adopts a dangerous avatar when it turns into an obsession. Not every man who views it is addicted, or hostile to his partner.

In fact, there have been cases of couples having benefitted from it. Sex researcher Helen Fisheradvises couples to treat it like a "hormone-booster" because it drives up dopamine levels, which drives up your testosterone.

A Norwegian study that involved 400 couples backs Fisher's claim. When both partners used porn, they were happiest in the bedroom, it revealed. They were open about their fantasies, and reported least sexual dysfunction.

"It's not always destructive," says consultant psychiatrist Dr Deval Desai. "It can be a source of excitement and satisfaction, people wouldn't otherwise experience."

Dr Rajan Bhonsle, Honorary Professor and HOD, Department of Sexual Medicine at KEM Hospital and GS Medical College, has been counselling couples for 30 years, and decries claims that pornography is "harmless".

"Pornography is often viewed in secret, which creates deception within marriage. I often hear experts suggest that to fire up libido in a dull marriage, turn to fantasy. This might be a temporary solution, but as you become dependent on outside stimulation, your natural ability to get turned on by your partner fades. It's not uncommon for partners to opt for legal separation in some cases," he says.

Divorce lawyer Mrunalini Deshmukh says she has received cases where porn has led to the breakdown of marriages. Watching porn in the privacy of your home, isn't illegal, she clarifies; production and distribution of pornographic material is. "In most cases, addiction to porn has only one result — a relationship that's fractured."

The signs 
- Unprotected sex
- Unemotional sexual interactions
- Unsatisfied sex drive despite multiple sexual encounters
- Risky sex with multiple partners
- Risk-taking/compulsive behaviour
- Excessive guilt
- Absence of inner peace
- Isolation from family and friends

The making of a porn addict 
Exposure: Introduction to porn
Addiction: Watching porn provides powerful sexual stimulation
Escalation: Sharp increase in viewing, more explicit and deviant exposure
Desensitisation: Diminished emotional responsiveness
Acting out: Desire to act out, either with partner or often elsewhere
Last month, TOI sex expert Dr Mahinder Watsa received an email from Uday (name changed), a young man based in Ahmedabad, who described himself as a 'recovering sex addict'. The simple two-line email was both, an admission ("I have lost almost everything to the addiction") and a plea ("my request is that you publish material that will help others like me seek help").

His uneasiness with unnecessary attention that a coffee shop tends to offer led us to settle for a chat at Parimal Garden, a community park frequented by faceless crowds in the heart of Ahmedabad's business district. He was a tall 29-yearold with an easy-going demeanour. His hands crossed tight against his chest, he admitted without much prodding, "I had lost control. Lustful thoughts had gripped me."

The helplessness was one Uday had been surviving since 2007. He was a young MBA aspirant at Gujarat University in 2004 when a random Internet search lead to a porn popup that handheld him to a site with explicit content. He recalls his first reaction as "excitement".

But that was before the gradual increase in daily viewing robbed him of his will to study and isolated him from friends. A BPO job followed by a move to Australia didn't change a thing. Neither did returning to India, following which he took up a job at a relative's travel firm. "It (watching porn and satisfying himself) would last four, six, eight hours at a stretch. If I didn't do it, I'd be irritable, restless. It was tough to focus on the work at hand. I had lost the ability to stop," he says, before taking a moment to add, "It was like I was being compelled." Every woman, whether on the street, at work, in the movies or in his neighbourhood, would spark a spurt of fantasy in his head. Nurturing the preoccupation meant he'd stay locked up alone for hours, gradually slinking away from social interaction. The shame that followed the act only reinforced the isolation.

Sex addiction (some prefer terming it hyper sexual disorder) is described by The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), US, as 'engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behaviour acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others".

Sexual dependency expert Dr Patrick Carnes was the first to coin the term sex addiction in his 1983 title, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Since then, it has become part of popular parlance, with celebrities like Michael DouglasBill ClintonTiger Woods and Charlie Sheen turning the spotlight on the psychological disorder.

Sexologist Dr Ashok Rughani explains the challenge in recognising the condition. "Since sexual satisfaction is deemed natural, it's often that sex addicts don't view their behaviour as problematic," he says. Often, even experts falter.

When Uday realised he needed help, he claims to have approached everyone from a psychiatrist to a spiritual guru. "I was prescribed medication, but that didn't help. The psychiatrist told me I was seeking relief in masturbation. I tried explaining to him that it was also on account of the pleasure I was experiencing. It was the lack of control that bothered me," Uday remembers.

In an attempt to answer the question, 'how much is too much?' Uday typed 'sex addict' on Google, and came across Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), an organisation that offers a de-addiction programme called the 12-step approach.
Porn actress Heidi Van Horny wants to have sex with 23 different men on her 23rd birthday.
According to XXX AD4 Production, the orgy will be broadcast from a Montreal swingers' club.
According to Toronto Sun, the Facebook post invites men to take part with their faces masked during the broadcast and the production company has said that it is accepting everyone at the door.
However, in an interview with QMI Agency, the young woman seemed increasingly uncertain about her desire to fulfill the fantasy saying that she still wants to impose her conditions.
She said that she didn't really agree with having the men chosen at random and wants to assure that they don't have any STDs.
Producer Andre Delaseine said that the company will protect the woman's safety, insisting that it's Heidi who will make the choice.

Paris Hilton has filed a legal complaint against a Slovenian porn site which is showing clips from her sex tape '1 Night in Paris'.

The 32-year-old socialite filed a complaint against the operators of and has asked for the website to be closed down and to take ownership of the domain name.

According to Perez Hilton, the hotel heiress has gone through the World Intellectual PropertyOrganization Arbitration and Mediation Center, the Mirror reported. 

Hilton had filmed the intimate sex scenes in 2001 with her former boyfriend Rick Salomon. 

Salomon released it online in 2004 and Hilton sued him for putting it on the internet without her permission

Naughty wife wearing lingerie receive a good old fucking from her hubby in bed while he snap a few POV photos with his iPhone 4S. Interestingly enough, according to the metadata these pictures of this horny Asian couple were taken only about 6 days ago on February 16, 2014 at 11:27:27AM in the City of Port Phillip, Victoria, Australia. And her husband was so proud of his special lady and his handy work that he shared the photos and their username ID online. Enjoy! Click on pictures 


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